| Testing the ability to post pictures straight from my phone. Here's a shot of Paul during his interview with Channel 39 News this week. It was a neat experience. The news crew was impressed with all of Paul's knowledge and enthusiasm. It should be aired next week as part of a piece they're airing on the local high school volleyball teams and the main palyers' success, some attributed being treated at Valeo PT. Now we're hearing that the Sports Director was so impressed with Paul's little clinic that it's a possibility it may get its own little story (but who knows...). They were at the clinic for a little over an hour for what would show up in the volleyball piece as probably a quick blurb :) Either way, we have no idea who watches the WB News but good and free press is helpful no matter what! We are currently working on expanding the clinic to a location in a new building across the street. No doubt we need the room. The question now is how big do we want to plan for that space? We have a couple of square feet options. We don't want to bite off more than we can chew so that we're constantly working overtime and stressed to make the bills. However, we want enough space to grow so we don't have to move in another 5 years. Each move costs money and time and brain work. There are so many variables and things to think about, we're really buckling down on the financial planning. Which is painful. There's a comfort to the current smallish situation. Debt is mostly paid off and we're just now getting the hang of processes and efficiency 3 years into the doors opening. On the other hand, people are rubbing elbows badly. Patients and the staff. There's so much energy and so many bodies in the clinic than was planned. Growth is a good thing but now we're talking about major changes which takes focus, time, concentration, and planning on our part and those are all things that are really tough to spare when there are only 24 hours in a day. At any rate, something must be done. We have a potential landlord ready to work with us, we have submitted sketches to him for the new layout, and now we're talking $$. If you expect a clinic that's 5 times the size of the current one, you should expect 5 times the expenses and 5 times the focus and concentration and time. And that's scary. Don't know when the little piece is going to air on the news (we're hearing something like next week). I'll be out of town but will have the DVR set to record it :)
 I had to bribe her with Santa Clause (don't ask) to get her to consent to taking this photo. She is a blur these days because when she sees the camera, it becomes a hide and seek game. She's actually been this was since...well, since right around when she turned 3! So several months. But this morning I realized that the photos have become so fewer and farther between that I had to catch one to mark how tall she's gotten. She's at least consented to wearing pig tails again, after around 8 months of continuous rejection. Now she sees their usefulness as a potential weapon. She won't consent to a hair cut because for now she likes it long, and I'm agreeing to that as long as she continues to some kind of agreement of keeping it out of her face. I hate to watch her eat her hair with her syrup at breakfast. It seems like all of the step stools in the house have slowly disappeared, or have started collecting dust, except for the one we pull out at the kitchen sink for her. Even the one for her big, tall, bed is gone because she's earned enough height to climb up without frustration. A step stool has been added under her bedroom light switch. She's still in pull-ups for night time, and it looks like there's no end in sight there, at least any time soon. I'm just fine with this; the only thing that worries me is when I start to realize I don't really know what age they're supposed to stop wetting at night. I know a few her age who've stopped by now and a few who've dragged on for a few more years from now. I suspect if I formally look up the answer, it will be like potty training, "it will just come when it's time." She's pretty much done with naps, except occasionally she'll surprise us all and nap at school. But for the last month or 2, we've had no naps at home. For the most part she can hang with that; she doesn't really get cranky, though she does seem so tired I start to feel bad for her. It just means an early bedtime :) Speaking of which, have you noticed how it's getting darker earlier? It's also CHILLY outside! How'd this happen when I just now paid that outrageous electricity bill two days ago from the 100 degree weather we had last month? Halloween is coming and Anna's super excited! She's gonna be a cat. Paul found the accessories for like $5 at Target (what a man) and so now we need the leotard (she wants to be a grey, then black, then pink, then purple cat. We're waiting for her final decision :) ). She begs DAILY for us to go outside and put out the Halloween decorations and daily we have to push her off till this weekend. Most days she skips right over Halloween and begs for Christmas. She especially begs for the big dumb Frosty that mom gave us for the yard last year :) This kid is about to have a really fun rest-of-the year! Well I leave again on Tuesday morning for more work travel. This time to California for an ISS Fundamental Physics workshop. I am TOTALLY STOKED about this because if my brain can stay focused, I'm going to learn TONS. Just hoping I can retain it :) Then I come home on Friday night and turn around for a conference presentation in Berlin (I still need to make my charts!) at the Medicine in Extreme Environments conference. So pretty much gone for 2 weeks and once again Anna will live the rockstart lifestyle while The Regulator is away :) After this, no travel till mid November, to San Diego for a conference, and this time Paul and Anna are coming too. Well, gotta run. It's my lunch break and I'm darting over to have lunch with A today. PS, Channel 39 News came by Paul's clinic yesterday for over an hour to interview Paul and play with all the cool toys at his clinic. They are integrating it into a piece about the success of the local high school volleyball athletes Paul is treating and how his methods seem to be helping. The interview guy who came out is Jeorge Vargas, Sports Director for that news channel. It's the WB news, which I think nobody really watches (we don't ;) but still it's great press! By the way, the reason they knew about Paul is that the father of one of these volleyball starts called Jeorge directly and told him he needed to come out here. This father is a super nice guy, radiates the best energy, and so does his wife. It's good to have clients looking out for you like that. I took pics of their visit and I'll post them soon!
Last week I spent about 4 nights in Orlando, working at the NASA exhibit at the AARP conference. Yes, THE AARP conference. Mom came with me, since our hotel was right on Universal Studios property (Loew’s Portofino Bay) and we got to come and go through the park. I’m really lucky to be able to be sent on work trips where I get to talk about NASA all day and then in the off time, ride roller coasters! We had a blast, and even went to the Halloween night at Universal, where they convert parts of the park to Haunted Houses, and there are creepy, scary creatures chasing you all over the park. Oh, and beer or shots sold on every corner. Definitely a different park during Halloween nights. The NASA exhibit itself was fun, if not super tiring. Painful feet, a sore voice, and a new perspective on how AARP members feel about NASA just about sums it all up. Three days straight of all day answering questions, and Thursday I hadn’t even realized that it was Oct 1. New start of the fiscal year, accompanied by layoffs at JSC and KSC related to the space shuttle retirement. I didn’t know it until the first person walked up to me and asked me about it. He was from the KSC area. In fact, look, I was in Orlando and as it turns out, I was surrounded by KSC-lovers and retirees. What a year to pick to have the AARP conference in Orlando (it varies every year). I tried to duck as many political questions I could (I had no idea how many people in this age group hate the Russians…how COULD WE rely on the Russian vehicles to get our people up and down on ISS when shuttle retires?! HOW COULD WE?! Never mind we’ve been doing it for the last 10 years anyway, especially when our shuttle fleet was grounded for 2 years after the Columbia accident.). Still, some people were happy and enthused, while others cranky about that. GO AMERICA! I have a feeling I got a pretty fair sampling of this voting demographics’ feelings on NASA. They’re mixed and they’re strong, either way. Mom and I had a great trip and when I got back home, I didn’t know what to expect from Anna. A hug would have been nice. Or even, HI MOMMY! I’VE MISSED YOU NOW WHAT DID YOU GET ME?! Instead I got: I don’t WANT you to be home, mommy! She gets to sleep in my bed with Daddy when I’m gone. She gets to party hard, visit friends, and keep a non-schedule. She gets to refuse hair brushing (though teeth brushing is still mandatory from what I understand) and I’m not sure about the meals, although I understand she went to a Chinese restaurant with L and her family on Friday night. All bonus side effects of Paul’s crazy busy schedule. I’m just minimally fun for her. Trust me, I don’t take offense by this. The fact that she’s not missing me terribly actually helps relieve some of my travel guilt. So I’m good. Also I don’t mind being the consistent, routine-driven mommy. She’s a lucky kid she can have the experience of both. Of course, she DID come around just a little while later, ESPECIALLY when she saw all the goodies mom and I brought her back. She’s back to spontaneous “I LOVE YOU,” had no problem back into her own bed last night, and overall just fine. I asked her why she doesn’t like to talk to me on the phone when I’m gone and she said, “Because I think it’s funny!” This being said, I can’t wait till she’s old enough to take with me.
I'm at the Kansas City airport. The News channels are blasting at me. It's the #1 thing I hate about airports. Even more than TSA. News channels blasting crap at me I don't want to hear or need to hear. It feels like poison, even if part of me would like to be informed enough to have an intelligent conversation about tax cuts or health care. Oh well. I'll take blissful ignorance over anger and depression anyday. Last night I gave a keynote address at another McNair scholars student conference. It seems last year I did a good handful of these, but this year, just this one. I was asked to do a few but this one was the only one that worked with my schedule. They heard about me from a man named MH, who heard me give this speech the very second time I ever did, which was in 2007 when Anna was 6 months old. (I gave this speech before, way back in 2002 but nothing like the 2007 version). MH is a director of McNair programs in Oklahoma. In 2008 I was asked to give my speech at a few other student conferences and it seemed I was running into MH at every one. In the elevator, in the hallways. The first time I ran into him, he told me how much he enjoyed my speech and recited things from it that I forgot I even said. THAT blew my mind. Every year I do one of these conference I expect to see him, and as usual, last night I did. He sat in the back "enjoying" my speech as always and then afterwards we had a long talk. He can see my growth every time I give this speech. It seems every year we talk a little more and more because we are meant to. Last night I was telling him I couldn't understand why students CRIED last night during my speech. Seriously, I'm just telling my story. My friends know my story and nobody cries ;) . He had some pretty powerful words that reosnated with me and made a lot of sense. Right down to the soul's purpose. Holy shit. Finally I realized why I suddenly feel fine if I never am an astronaut (remember THAT post)? I didn't know why it suddenly hit me that I'm content and happy and if I'm never selected to be an astronaut, all is still right. I thought that was weird and I'd turned into one of "THOSE" adults whose life suddenly had meaning just cause I had a kid and gotten "wise" in my years (HA!). But what it really means is that I'm happy just being "who I am". Whew, what a relief. He's right, I'm just happy being who I am. I may not be an astronaut. Granted, life has its ups and downs and I don't expect to escape the intensely horrible DOWNS but for now, and for the past few years, I can see why things happen when they do and why. Ironically, the whole premise of why I've lived my life the way I have is based on something an astronaut told me when I was in high school. When I asked him the typical question he'd probably heard 99,999 times before, "What would you suggest I do to become an astronaut," he gave the same answer I've since heard them give 99,999 times over: "nobody's guaranteed to get to BE an astronaut. Even the greatest people. So just have fun, whatevery you do along your way." Was this the whole reason my sould even wanted me to pursue the astronaut thing? Just so I could take a field trip to JSC in high school and hear this astronaut's canned reply that ended up resonating with me the rest of my life? (And oh by the way, space is pretty cool anyway). That plus the fact that I found my soul mate when I was in middle school. I think we made some pact before we were born to hurry up and find each other early in life to make the most of it :) I'll never be able to quantify his impact on my life. But really I tell the stuents there's nothing magical about me. I never understand really inside why I keep being asked to do these presentations, other than the fact that I look good on paper. Really I took the same path they did. Maybe my advantage comes in trying to tune out the noise. Our human existance is so full of NOISE and DRAMA and nonsense messages. It's maddening and much of it is just fabrication; a result of our physical existance. It's probably why I hate the news. If people could tune out the noise, I think it might be easier. Some people (my mother) have accused me of being cold-hearted and non-caring. That's not it. It's what comes across when I'm tuning out the nonsense, the drama, and junk that is not important to happiness or survival. I'm not saying I can tune it out all the time. Like the airport CNN and FOX channels blasting out opposing messages at me and I forgot hy headphones so I have to hear it, that's life. It's everywhere and I, like everyone else, can get caught up in impatience at home and complacency at work and loss of physical energy and frustration with things I can't control. But the drama of all of that is dangerous if it becomes internalized and if life is taken personally. I'm at a point in life where I get the main message, even if the details are constantly being finely tuned: that is, everyone has a purpose. I don't mean a divine plan, but holy crap, part of my purpose is to radiate something (happiness?) at a level that the room full of students can relate to. It's not even about my NASA title; it's more about a conversation with them that makes them take a second to think about things when otherwise they're in the middle of a bunch of noise. Wow, how lucky am I that this is part of my purpose? Part of my soul's plan before I came into this world. YAY ME! Well, time to catch my plane. I'm coming home!
 Today was the first day of fall and my 36th birthday! Or so I thought until Paul asked, "Well then did we miscalculate MY age?" Huh? Re-did the math, I am only turning 35! Wow, I just gained back a whole additional year of my life :) So that's cool but then I'm wondering what the hell happened to 34? When did I forget my age? Oh well, I hear this happens alot. Anna's been talking all week abouot how she wants to get me purple shoes and a birthday cake for my birthday "party". I got a text from Paul at around 3:30pm today that said, "I think she's serious about the shoes. What size do you wear?" I understand Paul talked her out of a pair of $160 purple heels and a purple be-dazzled back pack before she settled on pink converse. As it turns out, she got herself a pink pair and Paul got a black pair so now we all "match". We ate ice cream cake for dinner and Anna's comments here and there made me realize she was expecting a REAL party. With lots of gifts with paper and bows and stuff. So I did my best to pretend we were having a little birthday party, just the 3 of us. Then we went outside to play for a little while, since the weather was nice enough we weren't sweating our butts off. Even though the mosquitos were still in full force. Otherwise it was a pretty normal day. It's good for me since I like my normal days. But I did skip my morning run :) Peace.
> Shuttle commander Mark Kelly is here presenting about Twitter at the NASA Advisory Committee. He likes that PAO doesn't interfere with their tweets. > > 4 minutes later as we look through his twitter stream on screen, NASA Watch tweets: "@shuttlecdrkelly pushes the envelope with Twittering without PAO censoring. He just doesn't care. EXCELLENT!" > > Hilarious how viral this is! The NASA watch guys are on the line listening to this meeting and tweeted it right away. Viral!!! > > Hilarious!
This weekend I had 41 hours by myself, with paul and Anna away. I'm used to being away from them, but usually it's ME doing the leaving. This time Paul realized at the last minute that he had a training class in Austin on Saturday. Since I also had a class on Saturday here in Houston, that was an Anna schedule conflict. I could cancel. Instead he suggested he take Anna out to Austin with him so she could hang with my mom.
And so I had a day or two to think of all the possibilites I could use my off-duty time for. Not only could I do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I didn't have to feel guilty or rushed about it. It's not like I'm never allowed to do what I want when she's here, it's just that it's never the same quality. Hard to explain but whatever I'm doing, if I'm not with her, and she's at home, I feel rushed to get home. If I'm trying to get stuff done at home, no matter how good she is or how well she plays on her own, I still have that self-imposed sense of urgency to finish the task and get back to Anna. The feeling is always there when I'm not with her. So what do I choose to do in my 41 hours alone? Slow down the clock, ofcourse. And lay low. And sleep in a little. When they left Friday night I had an exam to write and I left the TV on Nick Jr to keep me company. I was surprised my this conscious decision. Nothing else seemed right. Certainly not silence. Nothing too grown up. Every weird sound had me glance up at her monitor reflexively, but it wasn't even on. She wasn't in the house. She wasn't up in her bed. Weird but I was a little sad. Didn't expect this. Did I sleep in on Sat? No. I had already committed to a 6 mile run with my run group at 5:45am (committed before I found out I'd be alone and could have otherwise slept in, whatever that may mean these days). After I declined their invitation for coffee bc mama had a list of stuff to do that involved a car wash and a slow shopping day before my training started at 1:00. After the car wash, a tiny bit of shopping, I opted to just go home and chill instead of the mall. It's not often I chill at home quietly. But first, lunch at cafe express. My class got out at 4:00, an hour early! So back to the house to finish a writing project related to licensing our exercise machine. When I finished that sooner than planned, it was ordered-in dinner, wine, and pay per view. In my mind, decadent. At 3:36am the TV in the living room blasts on. Spooked by myself. I blame the cat. Sunday I sleep in! I discover that this means wake up at around 8, and laying in bed till around 9. I got to doing stuff around the house before I realized I hadn't eaten breakfast. I guess I wasn't driven by the 7:30 wake up and breakfast of the usual weekend schedule. I spent the rest of the morning racing towards a house that was cleaned with thought, rather than routine. Little stuff that had been hanging around was put away properly. Corners were cleaned. Stair rails dusted. Cat fur vacuumed in the chairs we never sit in. Coupons cleared and clipped. Even made it to the grocery store. And what, you thought I'd be hitting the town with my peeps or something in my 41 hours? And then they arrived home and the momentum swung back towards the speed of reality. Anna's play date (Her friend K from shool finally) was coming in a few hours and then Monday starts another week. Good night!
Anna’s loving her new class so much! Last weekend was a holiday and we told her we were going to her Nanee’s camp in the swamp (which she always loves) and instead of “YAY!” she said, “but I want to go to school! I LIKE school!” I had to explain to her that her school’s closed for the holiday and that she can tell her teacher and new friends about the swamp when she gets back. On Monday night, she asked if we have school tomorrow and I said yes, her response was “Oh I’m so EXCITING to go to school!” She very much is enjoying the new class and there’s not been a tear at drop off since…oh wait, this morning she went to give me a big SNAP (hand trick) good-bye and fell over, and slammed into a chair. So much for looking cool ;) At any rate, she kisses me and runs off to see what Ms. A is about to start talking about. She comes home with some impressive work as well, and she’s been progressing through her letter and number recognition with me (and they do that in class some days too, depending on the curriculum for the day) so I think it’s all going well. She may not be in the other decked out 3 yr old classroom that has “Mrs. J’s students are STARS!” written on the door with pictures of each kid’s face inside of an astronaut space suit (DAMMIT!) but she’s thriving, excited, and doing well. No more tears. So screw it, I guess it wasn’t separation anxiety as much as it was boredom all summer. Noted.
Anna’s first day of school seemed to go very well! In fact, that was the most tired and cranky I’ve seen her since last school year (obvious she skipped nap), so that’s a good sign she’s not bored. When I went to pick her up, she declared that her friend, K, was coming with her. She had K by the hand and they were ready to come home with me. K is her best friend from all the previous classes since they were babies, but were split at the start of the summer, and are still not in the same class until the end of the day, when all the 5:30 kids get loaded into Anna’s classroom till the parents come to pick them up. This is good because both K and H now end up in Anna’s afternoon class, which is just playtime from 3:30-5:30 pick up. I broke her heart when I told her that K couldn’t come home with us because she has to ask her mommy first. Tantrum. Oh yes, a tired tantrum. This isn’t necessarily bad; her last tantrum at pick up was in her last year’s class because she wasn’t ready to come home. All summer she was ready to jump into my arms and haul it out the door for pick up! I promised her I’d email K’s mom to see if she can come play this weekend. Here we go. Mrs. IA told me about her day: Anna’s job for the day was to be the door holder. They talked about the weather and the calendar and Anna came home with strips of paper all cut up and colored on. In fact, she had cut along some of the lines she drew. Seeing that it’s Anna’s new favorite hobby, it was more evidence of a good day. On the way home she told me that W ate the rice from the rice table, and he wasn’t supposed to do that, and she played with K on the playground, and something about the Gerbil, and that she ate all her noodles at lunch. Today at drop-off, no tears. She asked me if she could color and cut and glue and I told her she had to ask Ms. Abshire (Ms. Eye-shower, to Anna) and she said yes, after circle time. She seemed pretty content so let’s see how day 2 goes!
I barely made it out of a meeting and over to Anna’s class on time to meet Paul for drop off at her first day in her new classroom. Paul stalled so I could get there. The place was JAMMED PACKED with kids, parents, and cars, all for the first day of school, 9am. She swore all weekend she was so excited to get to her new big kid classroom and said she wouldn’t even CRY in the new classroom when we dropped her off. As we walked down the halls, I could feel her hesitation set in. She turned to ask if we were going to meet her for lunch today (we did that last week because it coincided with meeting her new teacher). I told her no, not today, maybe later in the week. But I saw what she really meant was “when are you coming back???” At the new classroom, some old friends were already in there playing while waiting for class to officially start (pre-school is 9am-noon and then nap and free play till pick-ups). She gave me hugs and then I followed her into her room, out of curiosity. Paul told me not to linger, as he watched from the hallway. She turned for more hugs and I could see her trying not to get all worked up. She wouldn’t exactly let me go. I reminded her that she said she wasn’t going to cry in this big kid classroom. She nodded. Mrs. IA started to show Anna the different stations: The gerbil, the rice table, the crayons, the glue and scissors. I got a few more hugs and backed away while she got into the rice table with Mrs. IA. I was surprised at how nurturing and accommodating Mrs. IA seemed to be in getting Anna comfortable. That made me feel good about the whole thing, given I wasn’t too excited about her in the first place. I am resisting the urge to peek my head into the window of her classroom today to see how it’s going. Mostly it’s because I’ve already run 3 miles, a boot camp class, climbed 6 flights of stairs to a meeting, and already sprinted once over to her classroom this morning, and frankly, I just want to sit. J But later this week I will join her for lunch and maybe tomorrow I’ll poke my head in. But she was still on the verge of tears when we left her. This could go either way from now on. We can have crying/leg-prying child or happy to be there child. It doesn’t matter because I’m over the tears at this point. Plenty of summer practice. At Soccer Tots, she wouldn’t go onto the little field alone. Daddy had to be by her side the entire time. As the hour progressed, she got more comfortable and did a great job, but still wouldn’t let Paul go. Last night she asked if she could go back and I told her we’ll see how the week goes because Daddy can’t stay on the field like that all the time. (Incidentally there were some AWFUL kids in that class, who totally misbehaved while parents looked on. WTF, people? Get in there and do your JOB so the coach can do HIS. We’ll give it one more week but if some kid were to go after Anna like I saw this weekend, I’d first fly off on the kid and then on the parent. In a very professional way, of course. Full of BIG words!!!). Paul and I have accepted that she doesn’t stand a chance socially since both he and I have always been shy/reserved. We may have good skills otherwise, but we remember the same feelings at her age. The bottom line is we need to pick something that plays to her best skills and gives her confidence, whatever the hobby. It’s good to expose her to different atmospheres (we weren’t exactly) so she can get more familiar with different situations, but ultimately she may just be better at writing, music, debate or individual sports like martial arts or horseback riding. Who knows? We know it’s good to push a little, it’s good to be uncomfortable, it’s good to fail, but it’s also good to recognize her strengths and set her up for success too, as much as we can, and let life take over. In the meantime I ran over to the little teacher supply store and bought her a bunch of activity books. She LOVES to trace pictures and letters and stuff, and also likes to cut along the lines, then glue the cut-outs to the paper to make a little picture. The intensity on her face while she’s tracing carefully is AWESOME. I know that intensity from band, and Paul felt it from sports. And so when we see that look on whatever activity she’s interested in pursuing, we’ll stick with it. For now, we know that one of her strengths is she LOVES to learn. Whew. She’s ingesting her letters and numbers and pointing them out everywhere we go. It’s a game. She doesn’t know them all yet, but it seems every day she gets a new one. THIS is wayyyy more fun to me than playing dress up (and she does that too, plus “washes” our hair, “cooks” our food, takes us to her friends’ “parties” and stuff. It’s fun to hear her tell stories to her stuffed animals too. Still paci-free!
Would it help if I just acknowledged it? Gave it a name? In June, Anna’s favorite, nurturing teachers departed, Paul and I went on a 2 day trip to Minnesota, while my mom stayed with Anna, and then right away I went on a two week trip to Germany/Italy. Week 1 was when her clinging and crying started when Paul would bring her to school. She had new teachers but they were super great and it was frustrating that we were going through this when we thought we had safely made it past what is apparently “Separation Anxiety.” This has continued all summer. There are a handful of days when she hasn’t done it, who knows what was special about THOSE days? But for the last 2 months, our 3.5 year old has been crying that she doesn’t want to go to school, and has asked from the minute she wakes up if she has to go to school today. It has been annoying. I tried the consolatory approach with her (mommy will be back, don’t cry, I always come back). I tried the bribery approach (Subway for dinner if you don’t cry!). I tried the reverse psychology approach (it’s OK to cry, you can just sit there and cry and Ms. D said you can cry too until you’re done). I’ve tried the distractions (oh look, you can hold the book for Ms. D to read to the class!). Finally I’m on to mad (I don’t care if you cry, you’re going to school and you can cry all you want). It’s almost heart breaking if it weren’t so darned maddening! She’s got to give hugs and kisses, then SQUEEZES and high fives and bunny kisses and cover all the bases. Some days are better than others but overall it sucks. I couldn’t figure it out till I googled it. And there it was “My 3.5 year old has terrible separation anxiety.” Even the ones like Anna who have been in daycare/school since month 3 of their little lives. The more I read I think I’m able to tie it back to the loss of her awesome teachers from last year. There were several frustrating days when I couldn’t even get Anna to GET INTO THE CAR TO COME HOME without carrying her screaming down the hall past the other happy children and glaring parents. So there, let’s label it. Separation Anxiety. Apparently after the 18 month old one (we had a touch of it but nothing too bad), there’s another one right about NOW. Probably brought on from the loss of her favorite teacher paired with mother abandonment to Europe. Or something. In fact there’s a little girl in her class who just started it too. I told Anna one morning that they should just go over and hold each other while crying! This sucks. I want to take her to attempt to start Soccer Tots this Saturday but I’m thinking there’s no way she’s going to let me leave her to play with complete strangers while I sit on the side and watch. I have a feeling this won’t go very well and now my bigger fear is that it’s going to be limiting socially or something because apparently this could drag on forever. She’s always taken awhile to warm up to new situations anyway. Soccer Tots is a 50 minute class. We don’t have all day. Well there you go. Don’t know if giving it a name and accepting it will help me rationalize through it, or make it worse in my own mind. Probably both.
This is perplexing. I knew the potential teachers Anna would have this year and Mrs. I.A. wasn’t one of them. In fact, this is her first year at Gloria Dei. Paul and I had our little parent meeting with her, in her classroom (one of Anna’s old classrooms, in fact), while Anna happily dug through all the toys in the room. She seemed tired and complacent. We asked about the curriculum. We didn’t like the responses at ALL. To prompt any kind of creative response, I gave examples of what her teacher did last year. Her response is…”sure, I guess we can do things like that.” When I asked her what her science plans were, she pointed to an old plastic lone microscope and said, well, THAT’S what came with the room, so…” And she couldn’t give any real, fun, enthusiastic response to any questions we asked about the curriculum. It was “eh, sure, I guess, we could, blahblahblah…” It gets worse, but if I rehash it I’ll get anxiety over it again. But let’s say I left the room ready to cry. Paul wasn’t impressed either but he did think I was stupid for wanting to cry about it. Excuse me, I’m a mom. Boo-frigging-hoo. Even her room is awkwardly laid out, more like a day care than a little school room. What’s with all the toys everywhere, and those bookshelves are smack in the middle of the room, minimal neat, large open areas for real activity really. It’s like…cluttered and disorganized. And seemingly small. There’s a hint at attempted organization but it’s lame. Sorry, that’s just me. A gerbil is in the classroom. She didn’t even know its name, it came from the previous class and she was told it had to stay. Its name was written on the glass: “Peanut Butter.” I sat there wondering if she would feed it. And I’m not picky over first class accommodations for my 3 yr old, but it’s my opinion that a room is a personal reflection of the teacher. Seriously. So then I walk down the halls and torture myself over looking into all the other classrooms she could have potentially gone to and they’re so cute and decorative and open and friendly, with letters on the wall and stuff. I.A.’s classroom does have a large picture of a hand-drawn/colored Jesus with his arms open and all the kids’ names around them. Which might matter to anyone else but me (I know, shame on me). And frankly, it’s kind of creepy. So I talked with the director, K, after sleeping on it for a night. I asked her, “What did you see in her that made you hire her? Because we’re not seeing it.” Apparently Ms. I.A. has a BS, a Texas teaching certification, and a nursing certification (soon to expire). That’s all good and would usually impress me to some extent but I was surprised by my own inner voice rushing past that:, yeah yeah yeah, that’s nice, can you get to the good stuff? K was surprisingly very open to listening to my concerns, very receptive and told me all the reasons IA was hired. Her #1 asset was apparently her creativity and enthusiasm for the kids. I’m sorry, seriously?? She said she knows she comes across as standoffish and reserved and she thought that during the interview too and actually placed her in the “keep going” pile based on that alone. But the parents’ committee interviewed her too and gave her really high marks and praise! And her past recommendations and lifetime of teaching experience were superb. K was convinced she was the right choice and by the time my meeting was over, I felt like she deserved a chance. I felt better the rest of the afternoon, in fact. Then, on my way to pick up Anna, I ran into R’s mom. She stopped me to tell me she hadn’t had an interview yet with Mrs. I.A. but talked to her over the phone, after which she seriously wanted to cry (boo-freaking-hoo). I told her what I thought too and what K had told me. She said her meeting with IA is today and she’d let me know how it goes. OK so I’m not the only one. Then Anna wants to go see her new room again before we leave, so we peek in. Mrs. I.A. isn’t there but Anna’s old teacher from the 18month-old range (loved her) came in to ask what we thought about I.A. Like R’s mom, she asked with hesitation and seemingly leading-voice…what do YOU think…cautiously, not wanting to lead, but doing it. She specifically, cautiously asked: was she able to answer your questions about the curriculum and stuff? And I think: Ah-HA! So I’m not WRONG about being concerned about her not being able to answer questions specifically about the curriculum?! Me: No, she wasn’t able to answer my questions and the ones she answered would have been better answered with “I don’t know”. Her: Well I’ve gotten to know her and she does open up after awhile. It just takes time. Yes. That’s what K said too. Today, on the way to my truck after dropping off Anna (peeling her off, as usual), another mom stops me to ask me what I thought of Mrs. I.A. Again, this mom’s not happy and is on her way to talk to K. All the same concerns I have. Look, is it just me? No, apparently it’s not. If all the moms talk to K, will they then start to feel better about I.A. like I did? Or am I just being too passive? Paul and I agreed to give this about a month or so of a chance before we start making drastic threats or changes because honestly, at this point, we have nothing but the 20 minute meeting to go off of so we have to be fair (and the lack-luster room). Let’s face it, there are 10 kids in the class. If we all hated it in a month, they’d have to DO something, but what COULD they REALLY do? Logistically, you can’t fire the teacher and find a suitable replacement in a pinch. You can’t move all the kids because there’s ratios to consider. I don’t know. I don’t know how this will unfold. We will wait and see I guess. In the meantime, do you think she’d be offended if I went in there and upgraded that classroom a little? I mean for goodness sake. If you’re wondering what Anna thinks, she asks to go to Mrs. IA’s class every day. We’ll see how she feels once she’s there. But since we have to peel her off of me anyway even now, we won’t be able to use her enthusiasm for going to school as a bench mark for judgment.
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pizza arrived. Sunset.
so lucky in my current role at NASA. I am loving the travel, though I miss Anna and Paul. Anna's getting old enough to come with me soon, and one day Paul's clinic will be structured such that he can come too. Actually, they are both coming with me to San Diego next month when I present a paper at a conference. So I am really looking forward to them coming with me back to California!
