Everybody has a story

I'm at the Kansas City airport. The News channels are blasting at me. It's the #1 thing I hate about airports. Even more than TSA. News channels blasting crap at me I don't want to hear or need to hear. It feels like poison, even if part of me would like to be informed enough to have an intelligent conversation about tax cuts or health care. Oh well. I'll take blissful ignorance over anger and depression anyday.

Last night I gave a keynote address at another McNair scholars student conference. It seems last year I did a good handful of these, but this year, just this one. I was asked to do a few but this one was the only one that worked with my schedule. They heard about me from a man named MH, who heard me give this speech the very second time I ever did, which was in 2007 when Anna was 6 months old. (I gave this speech before, way back in 2002 but nothing like the 2007 version). MH is a director of McNair programs in Oklahoma. In 2008 I was asked to give my speech at a few other student conferences and it seemed I was running into MH at every one. In the elevator, in the hallways. The first time I ran into him, he told me how much he enjoyed my speech and recited things from it that I forgot I even said. THAT blew my mind. Every year I do one of these conference I expect to see him, and as usual, last night I did. He sat in the back "enjoying" my speech as always and then afterwards we had a long talk. He can see my growth every time I give this speech. It seems every year we talk a little more and more because we are meant to. Last night I was telling him I couldn't understand why students CRIED last night during my speech. Seriously, I'm just telling my story. My friends know my story and nobody cries ;) . He had some pretty powerful words that reosnated with me and made a lot of sense. Right down to the soul's purpose. Holy shit. Finally I realized why I suddenly feel fine if I never am an astronaut (remember THAT post)? I didn't know why it suddenly hit me that I'm content and happy and if I'm never selected to be an astronaut, all is still right. I thought that was weird and I'd turned into one of "THOSE" adults whose life suddenly had meaning just cause I had a kid and gotten "wise" in my years (HA!). But what it really means is that I'm happy just being "who I am". Whew, what a relief. He's right, I'm just happy being who I am. I may not be an astronaut. Granted, life has its ups and downs and I don't expect to escape the intensely horrible DOWNS but for now, and for the past few years, I can see why things happen when they do and why.

Ironically, the whole premise of why I've lived my life the way I have is based on something an astronaut told me when I was in high school. When I asked him the typical question he'd probably heard 99,999 times before, "What would you suggest I do to become an astronaut," he gave the same answer I've since heard them give 99,999 times over: "nobody's guaranteed to get to BE an astronaut. Even the greatest people. So just have fun, whatevery you do along your way." Was this the whole reason my sould even wanted me to pursue the astronaut thing? Just so I could take a field trip to JSC in high school and hear this astronaut's canned reply that ended up resonating with me the rest of my life? (And oh by the way, space is pretty cool anyway).

That plus the fact that I found my soul mate when I was in middle school. I think we made some pact before we were born to hurry up and find each other early in life to make the most of it :) I'll never be able to quantify his impact on my life.

But really I tell the stuents there's nothing magical about me. I never understand really inside why I keep being asked to do these presentations, other than the fact that I look good on paper. Really I took the same path they did. Maybe my advantage comes in trying to tune out the noise. Our human existance is so full of NOISE and DRAMA and nonsense messages. It's maddening and much of it is just fabrication; a result of our physical existance.

It's probably why I hate the news.

If people could tune out the noise, I think it might be easier. Some people (my mother) have accused me of being cold-hearted and non-caring. That's not it. It's what comes across when I'm tuning out the nonsense, the drama, and junk that is not important to happiness or survival. I'm not saying I can tune it out all the time. Like the airport CNN and FOX channels blasting out opposing messages at me and I forgot hy headphones so I have to hear it, that's life. It's everywhere and I, like everyone else, can get caught up in impatience at home and complacency at work and loss of physical energy and frustration with things I can't control. But the drama of all of that is dangerous if it becomes internalized and if life is taken personally.

I'm at a point in life where I get the main message, even if the details are constantly being finely tuned: that is, everyone has a purpose. I don't mean a divine plan, but holy crap, part of my purpose is to radiate something (happiness?) at a level that the room full of students can relate to. It's not even about my NASA title; it's more about a conversation with them that makes them take a second to think about things when otherwise they're in the middle of a bunch of noise. Wow, how lucky am I that this is part of my purpose? Part of my soul's plan before I came into this world. YAY ME!

Well, time to catch my plane. I'm coming home!