Over dinner last night was the right time to sit and talk about it. I was ready for the questions and thought I could take the chance to put Anna's mind down the right path of understanding death.
"Anna, do you remember grandma? She's nanna's mommy"
"Yes, we saw her in the hospital and I gave her a picture of me that looked like this": hands up to her face, tongue sticking out, silly look.
She remembered.
"Well, grandma's heart wasn't doing so good and so she died the other day."
"Oh."
"Yes, a person's heart has to work to keep them alive, and..."
"Oh, KC's in the counter! KC, you're not supposed to be on the counter!"
"Yes, it's OK there's no food up there...Anyway, you and I are going to drive to Louisiana tomorrow to visit family who might be sad that grandma has died."
"Oh, is it a long drive?"
"Yes, and..."
"Maybe KC wants a bug in that window!"
I turned to Paul: well, maybe this is easier than we thought at the age of 4. I really didn't see the need to push a further discussion about death if she wasn't engaged at this point. She knows grandma died. That's about it.
We've decided not to take her to the wake or the funeral. Paul used a good word when he said "cope." As in, she would get the visuals of all of the formality and drama of wake and a funeral without any real coping mechanisms to tie it all together regarding death. I can't see any real point in putting those visuals into her head at this age when death is something in her mind that happens to June bugs when you squash them, and oh, now grandma is dead too and they put her into the ground. If she doesn't understand the gravity of death at this age, who am I to push it on her? She has a life ahead of her full of drama and loss, and at 4, I opened the discussion up and she took it about as far as she wanted.
Death is a delicate topic and moreso than with anything else you teach a kid, how you approach it from the beginning will mold how the kid looks at it for the rest of her life at some level. Ultimately I'd like her to feel at some level that death is part of life and it sometimes feels awful to lose someone you love (who am I kidding, I can't imagine the loss of a child or husband or parent), but they're going on to a different place. It's not just the end. In the case of my grandma, I don't have regrets or anguish. Her body was not functioning right for awhile, and she's probably having much more fun now.
And that's that with Anna. At least for now. Anna usually retains aspects of conversations that pop up again later. And so that's what I'd suspect will happen over the next few days. But then again, maybe not. It's new ground for both of us. Although Pau's much more experienced at this, it's only my second funeral in my entire life, with the first being my grandpa.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
This is Paul's fault
Paul: Anna, where's mommy today?
Anna: she's at frickin' work!
For once I can't blame this one on her school friends' potty mouths. This is a Paul word!!
Anna: she's at frickin' work!
For once I can't blame this one on her school friends' potty mouths. This is a Paul word!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
4 yr old stats
Anna had her 4yr well child check up today. I have to say everytime we enter those exam rooms it never fails me to remember the days we sat there for the first few weeks of her life as we were dealing with a screaming baby with acid reflux, trying to get the doses right, getting the pep talks from the doc, trying to determine what was "normal". Wishing for the days when she turned 3 and 4 and we were past all that.
In fact as we sat in the waiting room today I could hear the woes of another mother who was saying she couldn't take another 24 hours straight of awake time like that again. Her baby was sleeping in the carrier. I wonder if she looked at me and Anna and wondered if we went through "the same thing." If she only knew! :)
Anna's 75th percentile for both weight and height, which the exact same trend she's been on since her first month of life. I think she's about 35lbs and 40.5" tall. That 75th percentile height is a nice severance when it comes to amusement park rides :) She likes to get taller so we tell her which foods make us grow versus which foods are just yummy to eat only. She gets it and she's pretty good at the balance.
While we were waiting she wrote her name on the little slip we give to the doc and the doc was pretty impressed with that! Yay for Anna!
She passed her vision and hearing screenings and this time they even took her blood pressure with a little blood pressure cuff. After the check up, the tough questions about strangers and safety and private things came and Anna answered them all like a big girl! Then came the shots. Two of them. First I told her how the needle will go into her skin like this, and how it is full of medicine that will help her not get sick. Then with a pinch I showed her how it would feel. I told her if she was brave (and yes it will hurt a little) she could get two stickers instead of just one. She knew what to expect and that it would hurt a little but that we all get them and we don't really like them either. She held my hand and here came shot #1. "You OK?" Nods yes. Ok then here comes shot #2. "You OK?" nods yes, praises from the nurse on what a big girl she is! Nurse steps out, and the sniffles come. Sweet little girl sniffles, and I could tell she was holding back. "My legs hurt mommy! It hurts!" I know, shots hurt me too, they hurt everyone but we take them to stay healthy and you've totally earned TWO stickers! "But I cried, mommy!" Ohmagawd, it's ok to cry! You've earned the stickers!
She's excited to find a Scooby Do sticker, one she's been wanting since she went last week but decided on Dora then. She picked a fish sticker as the next one. She put Scooby on my shirt and the fish on hers and she held back the tears till we got to the car. In the car she sobbed quietly between sips of apple juice and complaints that her legs hurt and I gave her some ibuprofen for the soreness before dropping her off at school.
She doesn't remember the shots she had so long ago and I don't even remember when her last ones were (before 3?) and even then she cried but never carried on too long or out of control. Amen to that.
We have a big girl.
In fact as we sat in the waiting room today I could hear the woes of another mother who was saying she couldn't take another 24 hours straight of awake time like that again. Her baby was sleeping in the carrier. I wonder if she looked at me and Anna and wondered if we went through "the same thing." If she only knew! :)
Anna's 75th percentile for both weight and height, which the exact same trend she's been on since her first month of life. I think she's about 35lbs and 40.5" tall. That 75th percentile height is a nice severance when it comes to amusement park rides :) She likes to get taller so we tell her which foods make us grow versus which foods are just yummy to eat only. She gets it and she's pretty good at the balance.
While we were waiting she wrote her name on the little slip we give to the doc and the doc was pretty impressed with that! Yay for Anna!
She passed her vision and hearing screenings and this time they even took her blood pressure with a little blood pressure cuff. After the check up, the tough questions about strangers and safety and private things came and Anna answered them all like a big girl! Then came the shots. Two of them. First I told her how the needle will go into her skin like this, and how it is full of medicine that will help her not get sick. Then with a pinch I showed her how it would feel. I told her if she was brave (and yes it will hurt a little) she could get two stickers instead of just one. She knew what to expect and that it would hurt a little but that we all get them and we don't really like them either. She held my hand and here came shot #1. "You OK?" Nods yes. Ok then here comes shot #2. "You OK?" nods yes, praises from the nurse on what a big girl she is! Nurse steps out, and the sniffles come. Sweet little girl sniffles, and I could tell she was holding back. "My legs hurt mommy! It hurts!" I know, shots hurt me too, they hurt everyone but we take them to stay healthy and you've totally earned TWO stickers! "But I cried, mommy!" Ohmagawd, it's ok to cry! You've earned the stickers!
She's excited to find a Scooby Do sticker, one she's been wanting since she went last week but decided on Dora then. She picked a fish sticker as the next one. She put Scooby on my shirt and the fish on hers and she held back the tears till we got to the car. In the car she sobbed quietly between sips of apple juice and complaints that her legs hurt and I gave her some ibuprofen for the soreness before dropping her off at school.
She doesn't remember the shots she had so long ago and I don't even remember when her last ones were (before 3?) and even then she cried but never carried on too long or out of control. Amen to that.
We have a big girl.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Fever: let's wrap this up
We waited out the fever for 5 nights and decided that was enough for any run-of-the-mill virus to have done its thing by now. On Wed morn I took her to the doctor and it turns out the source of her fever was an ear infection! WTH? Didn't see that one coming. She had just barely started getting congestion and though she told me everything else that hurt, her ear wasn't one of them. Till the doc asked if her ear hurt and she said yes. Huh? So there you go, two doses of antibiotics later and she was fever-free and sleeping through the night peacefully again. By Thursday she was back in school and we had emerged from the land of cold medicine, board games, and repetition of Chipmunks: the Squeakquel to the healthy and sane again.
Too bad I waited too long to take her but I thought I was being the calm mother who was waiting out a virus. When it's a virus you can take your child in and there's really not much the doc can do so I figured what's the point? If she'd have told me her ear hurt I'd have at least had a clue. I guess it felt funny but probably not that Vicodin-driving pain like the one I had a few years ago.
Kids.
Too bad I waited too long to take her but I thought I was being the calm mother who was waiting out a virus. When it's a virus you can take your child in and there's really not much the doc can do so I figured what's the point? If she'd have told me her ear hurt I'd have at least had a clue. I guess it felt funny but probably not that Vicodin-driving pain like the one I had a few years ago.
Kids.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
More fever
Well this will be night 5 of fever if it comes on. It disappears in the day and comes back around 5pm. The past 2 nights have been rough for her sleeping because her nose is clogged :) That means it's been rough for us sleeping too!
Hopefully she'll shake this soon. It's spring break a work this week so there's not much going on and I can stay home with her. Yesterday I was out of town to see about my sick grandma so she went to the clinic with Paul and spent the afternoon playing with TJ and O/M. During the day you'd think she was just a little congested but it hits in the evening. No use for a doctor's visit: if it's a virus (betting) you just have to wait it out.
Here's hoping for a quick wrap up. But. I still dread the cough that I bet is coming. That is worse than fever in my opinion! Ugh.
Hopefully she'll shake this soon. It's spring break a work this week so there's not much going on and I can stay home with her. Yesterday I was out of town to see about my sick grandma so she went to the clinic with Paul and spent the afternoon playing with TJ and O/M. During the day you'd think she was just a little congested but it hits in the evening. No use for a doctor's visit: if it's a virus (betting) you just have to wait it out.
Here's hoping for a quick wrap up. But. I still dread the cough that I bet is coming. That is worse than fever in my opinion! Ugh.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Fever!
Anna's sick. She woke up around 11:30 last night with a fever of 102 and today it's gotten as high as 103.8. We kind of were waiting around for this. She hasn't been sick since she was 18 months old or so, and even then any fever may have never gone above 101 or something. We've gotten by this long with good health, it was bound to happen and I've wondered what she'd be like when sick.
To our surprise, she's a trooper. I guess I expected whiny, clingy, all the other crap but no, she is in good spirits and taking it well. She does say "momma I don't like the fever!" and "am I still sick momma?" often but otherwise good. She gets cold as the fever goes up, she's pissed at her runny nose and she gets tired pretty suddenly. She took a brief nap today but it's quite the sight to see her fight sleep her body obviously needs throughout the day. She always was a sleep fighter! Not cranky fight, but pathetic-your-eyes-are-sad-little-slits-and-you-barely-know-where-you-are fight. She's so far a happy sick kid which is fantastic with us! We hate to see her with such a high fever but given the other symptoms (so far congestion but not yet cough...we expect that around mon or tues) and her good mood it's not as bad as I'd feared (yet). Her cheeks get all flushed with the fever.
The whole time she was two I thought that would be a sucky age to get sick because they're so oppositional and still somewhat babies. Then three came and I thought it would be sucky but still easier because she was capable of reasoning. Now at 4 she's a little big kid so I think we escaped the harder ages. We got lucky. TJ was awesome to come over and show me some Tui Na to try to help the fever and runny nose. What a great skill to have :) and I'm lucky that one of my best friends has it! And lives one street over.
Now as far as a stomach virus: that's the bad ass one that's left for us I know. She had one when she was just 4 months old but it was quick and let's face it: that kind of puke is easier to clean up.
Nobody likes big little kid puke. Lord help us when THAT day comes.
To our surprise, she's a trooper. I guess I expected whiny, clingy, all the other crap but no, she is in good spirits and taking it well. She does say "momma I don't like the fever!" and "am I still sick momma?" often but otherwise good. She gets cold as the fever goes up, she's pissed at her runny nose and she gets tired pretty suddenly. She took a brief nap today but it's quite the sight to see her fight sleep her body obviously needs throughout the day. She always was a sleep fighter! Not cranky fight, but pathetic-your-eyes-are-sad-little-slits-and-you-barely-know-where-you-are fight. She's so far a happy sick kid which is fantastic with us! We hate to see her with such a high fever but given the other symptoms (so far congestion but not yet cough...we expect that around mon or tues) and her good mood it's not as bad as I'd feared (yet). Her cheeks get all flushed with the fever.
The whole time she was two I thought that would be a sucky age to get sick because they're so oppositional and still somewhat babies. Then three came and I thought it would be sucky but still easier because she was capable of reasoning. Now at 4 she's a little big kid so I think we escaped the harder ages. We got lucky. TJ was awesome to come over and show me some Tui Na to try to help the fever and runny nose. What a great skill to have :) and I'm lucky that one of my best friends has it! And lives one street over.
Now as far as a stomach virus: that's the bad ass one that's left for us I know. She had one when she was just 4 months old but it was quick and let's face it: that kind of puke is easier to clean up.
Nobody likes big little kid puke. Lord help us when THAT day comes.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
School daze
Anna has been placed into the Pre-k 5 class at her school next year. It's technically jumping a level among her peers, skipping the Pre-k 4 class. The requirement is to be 5 by November 2011 (she just turned 4 on Tuesday) and the recommendation of the center director. Guess they bypassed the age thing in this case. The director has been encouraging us to advance her in the past but I didn't feel she was ready (nor was I!). But I think we are ready for this. I wonder if any of her old friends will be in there...there's only one Pre-k 5 class, with one teacher, the same fabulous teacher who has been there for years, with a little kick ass cool classroom. It's exciting!!!
I toured a private school again at the urging of my boss, and it was ok. But I just wasn't drawn to it. Then we toured the public school that Anna would go to and Paul and I fell in love. It seems so seriously cool! Tomorrow morning is kindergarten open house and I will bring Anna to see what she thinks. We loved it so much we're ready for her to start next year instead of 2012 :)
Incidentally it seems almost everyone in my office is majorly anti-public school (2 exceptions). They fill my head with horror stories that to me seem out of left field or just individualized. It's true the Texas education system has major flaws (it's Texas for crying out loud. The entire state is a freaking flaw in itself). Those parents I interviewed at the public school said they'd send their kids there all over again. Also said by the teachers there who also sent their kids to that school. I have only ever heard great things about that school (though I get no school is perfect). Bottom line: I will be as involved in Anna's education as I can be. We have a great public school. That's all that really needs to be said.
I haven't encountered this much controversy since breast feeding! For real!
Of The tours that I have had of the top private school on my list and this public school, Paul and I both agree if we had to choose now: public. We could barely contain our own excitement during our visit. I think we're lucky to have such good choices.
I toured a private school again at the urging of my boss, and it was ok. But I just wasn't drawn to it. Then we toured the public school that Anna would go to and Paul and I fell in love. It seems so seriously cool! Tomorrow morning is kindergarten open house and I will bring Anna to see what she thinks. We loved it so much we're ready for her to start next year instead of 2012 :)
Incidentally it seems almost everyone in my office is majorly anti-public school (2 exceptions). They fill my head with horror stories that to me seem out of left field or just individualized. It's true the Texas education system has major flaws (it's Texas for crying out loud. The entire state is a freaking flaw in itself). Those parents I interviewed at the public school said they'd send their kids there all over again. Also said by the teachers there who also sent their kids to that school. I have only ever heard great things about that school (though I get no school is perfect). Bottom line: I will be as involved in Anna's education as I can be. We have a great public school. That's all that really needs to be said.
I haven't encountered this much controversy since breast feeding! For real!
Of The tours that I have had of the top private school on my list and this public school, Paul and I both agree if we had to choose now: public. We could barely contain our own excitement during our visit. I think we're lucky to have such good choices.
Donate!
The MS150 is getting closer! Please donate at the link to the right on my blog :)
The final day of boot camp is tomorrow: 6 weeks down! Still doing spin on same schedule. Getting lots of good cycle time before the MS150 comes. We have a long bike ride this Sunday so I'll get to see if all that spinning is paying off on the real bike, on the road. Wish us luck!
The final day of boot camp is tomorrow: 6 weeks down! Still doing spin on same schedule. Getting lots of good cycle time before the MS150 comes. We have a long bike ride this Sunday so I'll get to see if all that spinning is paying off on the real bike, on the road. Wish us luck!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
You're Four today!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Anna. Happy birthday to you!
Yesterday at work, going from one meeting to another, I would think of what I was doing this day and time as the day progressed 4 years ago. When we went to the hospital for an ultrasound on March 7 due to low amniotic fluid, we packed our bags because we suspected this ultrasound would drive the decision to induction 2 weeks earlier than your due date. We were right. Your original due date was March 19.
When you were a screaming baby I wished we could advance to when you're 3 or 4. Yesterday daddy and I toured your potential kindergarten. Here we are and I can't stop time! Yay for another great year. We love you!!
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