Monday, March 29, 2010

Anna's Take on Jesus

Anna attends a Luthern school. We love the loving atmosphere and feel it’s a good fit. She’s been there since she was a baby and will stay through Kindergarten, likely.
 
The note on her classroom door from her teacher said that the kids were learning about Jesus and Easter and so we should ask our children who Jesus was.
 
So I asked Anna over dinner on Friday. She said “Jesus was on the cwahss”. Then I asked her what else? She replied “he died”.
 
Then I thought JESUS, that’s harsh! What’s the right age to introduce death to my child? I hadn’t even thought it through myself! Of course I don’t think she “gets it” but it came out of her mouth and it freaked me out.
 
In retrospect, yes, I expect she’ll hear the traditional bible stories in her current environment and I am OK with that. Or so I thought. The words “he died” coming out of a 3 year old’s mouth is just freaking weird. And so I’m not ready for that. Unless there’s a fish involved, I think it’s too early to talk “death” with Anna.
 
Then again we haven’t talked about the Easter bunny yet either. She still has NO. CLUE.
 
So then I started wondering how much of the other bible stuff I may not be ready for her to learn.
 
But it’s coming. I know it and accept it, and am open to it. But I guess I thought I was more open to it than it turns out I may really be…
 
 

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Oh yeah, about Bible Study

Over the past few years, the paranormal has regained my attention. I'm not sure if it's a result of Anna's birth, or a result of the recent explosion of pop culture's fascination with reality TV about ghosts and stuff. Paul and I started watching Ghost Hunters in its first season 5 years ago, and since then it seems that interest in the paranormal community has just taken off. Or maybe it was always this way and it wasn't apparent to me.

Other than being an astronaut, in high school I seriously considered attending Duke University's degree program in parapsychology. The reason I didn't is because it wouldn't qualify my to be an astronaut. I even did a high school history class presentation on the Shroud of Turin because I'd heard about it somewhere and thought it was neat. Everyone else's presentations were on traditional history.

Anyway, since Ghost Hunters, I've started reading more about the paranormal. And spirit and soul and all the cookey crap that other normal people wouldn't probably read. I've read about past life experiences, reincarnation, life after death, communicating with the "other side". If I am going to read anything for fun, it's in this general realm. But something is missing that I can't understand to find fair and balanced answers to tie it all together. And I think it's an understanding of all the various religions. If I could go back and get another degree, it'd be in religious history or theology. But let's face it, I barely have time to do a Wikipedia search on John. The one in the gospels of the New Testament.

Over lunch with a friend, CS, a few weeks ago, she encouraged me to come to their bible study group that was just getting started. Uh, no, I don't even belong to a church. There is a reason: I don't like to "belong" to any institution. I have my own way of thinking about stuff and it doesn't fall in any one category. She wouldn't let up so I figured this might be my chance to learn some basics of Christianity in a short course on Sundays, 2-4, during Anna's nap time.

I've attended about 3 or 4 times. They like me because I ask all the hard-hitting questions, and I'm not rude or judgemental. I'm not anti-Christianity or anything. I just want to learn what draws them to follow Christianity over all other religions. They don't mind. They consider it part of their work for God. But it has left me needing to read and read and read, and like I said, unless there's a New Testament book for Dummies, I am drowning in lack of time and sleep to adequately go through the gospels. They told me to start with John, so I did. I didn't understand the first 3 pages of what the heck was going on so I went to Wikipedia. Where I learned that probably John didn't even write the gospel himself, and actually wrote other books that didn't make it to the Bible...and so on...and then I thought: JESUS, stay awake! And then I was out.

I've always thought I was a Christian. "Are you a Christian?" "Sure!" Because this to me meant we just live honestly, try to be nice to each other, and take care of ourselves and others. But as it turns out, I am not a Christian. Because that means you have to be a devoted follower of Christ to even get to God. Like you can only have a relationship with God through Christ. So all those prayers will otherwise be ignored. The good news is that all of those who don't follow Christ and don't have a relationship with God will all go to Hell, but Hell isn't the firey pit we've been taught. It's just that you're not with God. So you're in another place that isn't THAT awful, but just sucks for you because you can't share ultimately in God's love. OK, so I am OK with that since I think a handful of my friends will be there too.

And anyway my idea of God isn't apparently the same as theirs. Though they read from me what Christ says is God (he has human qualities...or vice versa), I hear it unfiltered and it can actually be applied to what my idea of God is (that which does not have any human qualities or plans or judgement). The difference is they use the word "he" and I use the word "It". And everything they read to me can make sense in my mind about what God is, except it's not what they think God is. And their idea of what God is is based on the things Jesus has said.

Which I have not read. So I'd like to know what Jesus has said without being preached to with a slant. To do that, I have to sit down, stay awake, and read. I keep meaning to. But right now there's a series of Jesus documentaries (it's almost Easter you know) that I've DVR'd that would be much more fun and I MIGHT actually stay awake.

To be fair, it's been several weeks since I've stayed awake through a single episode of Ghost Hunters.

Yawn.

Social Media, Self-censorship, and Space and Mommy Things

I can't seem to catch up on sleep. Daylight savings time is colliding with Anna's nighttime potty runs and I am balancing on less sleep than I'd like. I wake up feeling like I need like 2 more hours. But in reality, the days of sleeping in soundly, even till 8am, ended on March 8, 2007.

Anyway...

I have a Twitter account and have a handful of followers. Most are space geeks who found me somewhere, or other parents (www.damomma.com follows me! She rocks!), and friends who I don't even get to see that often but can keep up with each others' lives because of the things we "tweet". I also have a Facebook account but I use it less regularly than Twitter. Not sure why. I guess it's more effort or something? Or maybe it's because the Following is different? Twitter is quick and easy. Facebook seems committal.

There's a CBS anchor guy who started following me the day I tweeted that I was going to the ISS all-hands meeting that was to discuss the cancellation of the Constellation program. I think he must just follow alot of the space twitterers. My Twitter account is open access to anyone, which I like because I can tweet about space stuff and mommy stuff and my "followers" get it (I guess that's why I like it better than Facebook). You can lock a Twitter account so only people you allow can read it. But I don't lock mine.

My job is so cool I wish I could tweet about it on a regular basis during the day. Like last week when I got to talk to the visiting congressmen...it was cool because while waiting for them to show, I was hanging out with the deputy chief of the International Space Station (ISS) program (Shireman), the chief of the Space Shuttle program (Shannon), and the chief of the astronaut office (Whitson). Hello, some darned cool conversation THAT was. I wanted to tweet something like: "Interesting conversations with the chief astro and chiefs of the ISS and space shuttle programs while waiting to talk to congressmen about ISS science." Or "you should hear what ISS is saying to Space Shuttle! Oh SNAP!! Is this how the big decisions get made?"

Or I'd like to tweet from the ISS Program staff meetings exactly what we're talking about. How I knew in advance about ISS winning the Collier award before it was public knowledge. Same for lots of NASA press that comes out. Stuff about the next Nobel Peace Prize, which I hold back from my blog (it's only in my little mind). I don't Tweet about emails concerning the President of the US that end up in my Inbox and how our office is involved in it. I really wanted to Tweet when JR, TT, and I had dinner in Paris with the Assistant Associate Administrator for the International Space Station from NASA Headquarters, which included some wacky cool conversation.

I do frequently Tweet about how cool my job is. But on a minute by minute basis when I think I want to Tweet something specifically cool, I hold back. Because I always ask myself: Is this something you would want to see Re-Tweeted by that CBS anchor guy? I had a good talk with the deputy ISS chief on this a few weeks ago, just informally. I told him if he ever sees anything that is negatively associated with media that crosses his desk and has my name on it, it WAS A COMPLETE ACCIDENT! :) So now at least he knows...

In general I always think, "If I tweet this, could I defend to my management why I tweeted it?" Yeah, um. My management is beginning to embrace Twitter but still it's not "their thing". I tweet a little bit about ISS science, though not as much as I should, because my Twitter account isn't an official NASA account and I never want to get tangled along the way, especially because of my current position in the ISS Program Science office here at JSC. Truthfully, though, NASA has reserved a Twitter Account for ISS science that is being held until we decide what the policy on use of that account should be. In a word we're figuring out who gets in trouble if a bad tweet were to go out ;)

Anyway I guess my point is that as I was driving to work today I realized I've been somewhat censored my whole life, at least professionally. And it wasn't imposed explicitly by others...it's been implicit and imposed by me. I try to use real discretion when I tweet and on Facebook and even in my own blog (which is where I feel safest to just spill, but still not completely). First it was because I aspired to be an astronaut and didn't want to say something that would ever come back to bite me. Now that the astronaut thing is mostly out, I've censored myself because of my job here at NASA and don't want to misrepresent my office. Or make the office silly. Or whatever else.

I wish I could Tweet all the little things Anna tells me too. Like yesterday she "tooted" and then blamed it on me! Like WHAT? Here we go! Lately she likes to run over and sit on my lap, just so she can "toot" on me and laugh. Where'd she get this stuff? She has started saying "I love you SO MUCH!" spontaneously. I don't tweet much of the little stuff about Anna because if I did I'd always be like, "oh hang on, Life, while I tweet about THIS one!" Still it would be cool bc it'd be a running record of all the cute stuff Anna says and I'd always have it.

Well, this is abrupt, but honestly, that's all I really have to say today. Peace. :)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Bedtime

Strangley, bedtime has become easy fun with Anna over the last few weeks. Another sign of growing up or something?
 
We’ve always done 1-2 books, re-cap the highlights of her day, and then sing a few rounds of songs (usually Wheels on The Bus for about 10 minutes) with the end result being: “please don’t leave!” Then with much convincing from either Paul or me as to why sleep is a good thing for big girls and that mommy and daddy are tired and need to go to sleep too, she’d reluctantly give in and say her good nights.
 
For the past week or so, we’ve only done one book and then when I go to sing just the second round of Wheels on the Bus, she stops me and says, “you don’t have to sing it again.” The first night we thought it was a fluke but it’s happened every night for the last week or so. So we tell her she’s such a big girl and we’re proud of her for going to sleep and she is the cheeriest, sweetest little thing as she says “thank you”. We also tell her to call for us if she needs us and she’ll say “OK!” And lots of “sweet dreams” and “I love you” and stuff.
 
Not quite sure what kicked in that has gotten her to be so cooperative and loving for bedtime!
 
Last night in bed she asked where Daddy was because she wanted him to sing to her. I told her he was at the clinic but he would wake her up in the morning and give her kisses. This morning I heard her tell him: “Mommy said I can give you kisses!”
 
 

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Anna's 3rd birthday cake


Anna's 3rd birthday cake
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
The freaky Yo Gabba Gabba cake! I found one on Yahoo that had this DJ Lance Rock's head coming out of it, and I asked the cake woman (Julie) to make one like it. She said she could do better than that picture and also wondered what the heck Yo Gabba Gabba was. She said she watched the first 5 minutes and um...well...got it. I'd say she did! What a cheerful cake! (If you've never seen Yo Gabba Gabba, in the beginning they show DJ Lance Rock (with the orange hat) coming up from a table (like the sunrise) over his little magic friends that he brings to life (the little characters on the side of the cake). This cake was as yummy as it looked. Seriously good. Anna had seconds :)

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Anna's bestest friend is Karmalina (in green). They've been at the same school since they were babies. They are full of hugs and love for each other. It's so stinking cute. Anna told me at the party: "Karma loves me!" Karma's mom says Karma talks about Anna all the time too. Sooooo sweet.

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
I like this picture of the finished swing set. Anna and her friends are all over it!

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
The freaky-deeky Tumblebus was parked outside our house for an hour for Anna's birthday party! It gave the parents a break and let the kids go crazy inside. Totally fun!

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Inside the Tumblebus. Madness! :)

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Inside the Tumblebus

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Happy Birthday from the Tumblebus. The unusre look on her face cracks me up.

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Time to light the candles!

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
I love this picture of Anna's girlfriends gathered around to open presents at Anna's birthday party.

Anna's 3rd birthday party


Anna's 3rd birthday party
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Impressive finished product :) Good job, Paul. 20 man-hours to build this (he got about 6 hours of help from a friend).

Anna's first tent camping trip

All aboard the crazy train to Brazos Bend for an overnight camping trip! 5 kids, 2 parents. Only one child was our own :) Thank God these were all good kids. It's what made the trip work so well and actually made it fun!

Anna's first tent camping trip

Happy to help

Anna's first tent camping trip

Paul gives the girls a lesson on how to start a fire. We got to Brazos Bend after dark but everyone was in great spirits and so we made s'mores!

Anna's first tent camping trip

Getting ready for first night sleeping in a tent! Brazos Bend with her friends.

Anna's first tent camping trip

Getting ready for bed. Yes we brought the DVD player. With 5 kids of different ages, it beat the arguement between Go Fish and poker!

Anna's first overnight tent camping trip

She's always super happy when we sleep together on travel. She was all smiles following her night of camping in the tent! She was surrounded by her buddies and mom and dad! She did great overnight. No issues at all. In fact, other than the need for someone to have to potty every hour, they all did really great sleeping in the tent. No one got scared or even wanted their mommy or daddy. There were 5 kids total: Ommom's 2, Anna, and my neice Kaitlyn (also her first time in a tent) and her friend. They were all great kids and we had a blast!

Anna's first tent overnight trip

Got to touch a snake!

Anna's first overnight in a tent

Got to touch an alligator at Brazos Bend during their overnight camp trip following the morning of her birthday party.

Anna's dance prep


Anna's dance prep
Originally uploaded by Spacemama
Took this picture last week before Anna's dance class. Thought it was blog-worthy ;)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Is the week over yet?

We pulled off one big happy 3rd year birthday party for Anna, an overnight camping trip with 5 kids, kept Ommom’s kids alive through the weekend and on to school today, and got happy birthday cupcakes to Anna’s class (that I remembered when I woke at 2:30am this morning and ran to Kroger for in my PJ’s). The logistics would require paragraphs. Paul and I make a good team! One exhausted team, but dang we pulled THAT off.
 
Thank goodness all of the kids, including Anna, are such darned well-behaved kids. It’s how you really pull this off, or how you care to pull it off in the first place.
 
I even fit Bible Study in there, where I learned that the only way to have a relationship with God is through Christ and if you choose not to, it’s just that you’ll go to Hell. But it’s OK, Hell is apparently not the fire and brimstone metaphor we’ve all heard about…
 
And this morning the Congressional visit went well. Heck, they were running so late, there was no time for them to grill me over science details so I’m glad I didn’t have time to obsess about it all weekend, and instead just enjoyed the beautiful weather and the noisy kids.
 
By the way, today’s Anna’s real birthday. At 3:23pm, to be exact.
 
Stories and pictures to follow.
 
 
 

Friday, March 5, 2010

I'm sorry, you want me to talk to WHO?

Tomorrow I will be serving Yo Gabba Gabba cake to about 14 kids and their parents.

On Monday I will apparently be talking to members of Congress about ISS Science during their visit here at JSC. Julie is in Tokyo then, and this last minute item popped up. I'm the go-to.

Somewhere between serving cake, making s'mores, prepping for Mon night’s lecture, and bible study (did I not mention I'm doing that now? Oh. That's another post I keep forgetting), I should have time to study what I should say so Congress doesn’t send ISS into the ocean.


Giddyup!

When Anna stages a coup

When I picked Anna up from school on Wednesday she was on her way to Time Out. Her teacher Miss Romy proceeded to tell me, in her Chilean accent, that it was because Anna didn't want to come inside from the playground, and she "used her influence on the rest" to encourage them to resist holding on to the walking rope to come inside. (Not sure if they all ran away or what they actually did to resist...)

Did you just say "her influence on them?" Don't you mean "used her leadership skills"? LMAO!! Actually, it's her other co-teacher, Miss Dawn, the ex-psychologist (who used the word "recalcitrant" to explain Anna's previous bad behavior) who would have put it that way...

Trying to look mortified for her behavior (again) I agreed with Miss Romy that Anna needed to serve her Time Out before we left. Because I was there, Anna was on her way to a bigger fit than necessary so I ended up in Time Out with her while she clutched my hand and we both stared at the two-minute hour glass timer.

Frankly I could use a Time Out more often.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Our last week of TWO

This is the last week that our baby is TWO. Is she still a toddler when she turns THREE, or will she be an official pre-schooler?

Moms of other Marchies Anna's age have lamented each and every birthday starting with #1. They'd get depressed that their sweet little baby is growing up and moving on, feeling less and less needed. They loved the cuddly sweet baby moments. They loved being needed and all the other great stuff that comes along with the baby years.

I, for one, have never lamented the previous two birthdays. On year 1 and year 2 I thought: BRING IT ON! If you know me well, you know I'm not a fan of the baby period. Anna started amazing me for real right around the age of 14 months old and it's blasted off from there, getting better and better.

Birthday # 1 taught me that progress can be made on helping to develop a little life.
Birthday #2 taught me that the progress starts to develop a little person.

Birthday #3 I am lamenting for the first time.

Two years old was fun. No lie, you can look through the last year of this blog and clearly see the frustrations associated with gaining independence, cognitive leaps, my having to pull out every strand of patience I never thought I even had, and the famous car seat screaming episodes in May and October (see I can recite the months: I am scarred for life on those). But TWO was outrageously cool. She wasn't a baby, she was our little growing person. Today we use the word "big girl". She is now capable of being proud and embarrassed, scared, and brave.

She told me last April she'd stay TWO forever. But she has not. On Monday she will be THREE.

Birthday #3 is teaching me about her soul. This little person has a soul and she is here to share it with us, and for us to help grow it so that she can become the best soul that she can be.

When I get frustrated or impatient, it's hard to remember in the moment that she chose us as parents. There's something her soul liked about us in the first place. So when the chaos is over and I get a chance to think about how to be the best mom I can be, I realize she loves Paul and me for who we are in the first place. And if we show her the best of our souls, she will thrive. After all, Paul and I are really cool people! :)

I will miss TWO. So many amazing things happened developmentally that floored us, excited us as parents, and made us nuts.

But I do look forward to THREE for different reasons. She is getting closer to being the beautiful, soulful woman I have high hopes she becomes. Even if she ends up a Taco Bell manager somewhere.

Is that too much pressure for THREE? Oh well, at least she'll enjoy the Yo Gabba Gabba cake!

One last thought about the cruise

I had to comment about this. It’s an amazingly cool thing to be on a big ship in the middle of the ocean, where a beautiful view is out every window (unless of course you’re sitting near the pool: have you ever seen cruise people in their swimsuits? LMAO!). It rained periodically and there was usually cloud cover. The thing is it’s a humbling thing to realize the rain and the cloud cover are not for your enjoyment or dismay either way. They don’t care if you’re there. What nature does is nothing personal. It is what happens whether your party boat is there or not. I imagined that the clouds and the rain and the waves and the fish and the sun all come and go 24 hours a day, beyond our lifetime, regardless of whether we are there to acknowledge it. It’s nature doing its thing and we can watch it if we’re not too busy on the dance floor or over-enduldging in boat drinks and all-you-can-eat buffet. Nature doesn’t put on a show when we humans ask for it. It just does its thing. And in fact, to some extent its thing is a result of what we as a planet do to it overall. It’s a grand thing to think about when you’re in the middle of the ocean: it’s not an amusement park, is it?

Monday, March 1, 2010

My Life is Now Complete

Actual Twitter exchange today:

@ThisIsRobThomas: Sometimes, when I'm tweeting from my blackberry, which is a lot, I can't SEE who I'm tweeting. So I don't always know who I'm answering.

@Spacemama: Forget the blackberry and go Iphone. So much easier to do everything, including Twitter. Friendlier interfaces.

@ThisIsRobThomas: @Spacemama, I'm a blackberry man.


For those of you who do not use Twitter, I follow Rob Thomas on Twitter and today I actually replied to his tweet to tell him to go iPhone. Never figure he'd answer, he's got like a gazillion fans. HE ANSWERED ME with three simple words (I'm a blackberry man).

Even though he's wrong, drrrroooooooooooooooooooooollll.