Separation Anxiety

Would it help if I just acknowledged it? Gave it a name?

 

In June, Anna’s favorite, nurturing teachers departed, Paul and I went on a 2 day trip to Minnesota, while my mom stayed with Anna, and then right away I went on a two week trip to Germany/Italy. Week 1 was when her clinging and crying started when Paul would bring her to school. She had new teachers but they were super great and it was frustrating that we were going through this when we thought we had safely made it past what is apparently “Separation Anxiety.”

 

This has continued all summer. There are a handful of days when she hasn’t done it, who knows what was special about THOSE days? But for the last 2 months, our 3.5 year old has been crying that she doesn’t want to go to school, and has asked from the minute she wakes up if she has to go to school today.

 

It has been annoying. I tried the consolatory approach with her (mommy will be back, don’t cry, I always come back). I tried the bribery approach (Subway for dinner if you don’t cry!). I tried the reverse psychology approach (it’s OK to cry, you can just sit there and cry and Ms. D said you can cry too until you’re done). I’ve tried the distractions (oh look, you can hold the book for Ms. D to read to the class!). Finally I’m on to mad (I don’t care if you cry, you’re going to school and you can cry all you want).

 

It’s almost heart breaking if it weren’t so darned maddening! She’s got to give hugs and kisses, then SQUEEZES and high fives and bunny kisses and cover all the bases. Some days are better than others but overall it sucks.

 

I couldn’t figure it out till I googled it. And there it was “My 3.5 year old has terrible separation anxiety.” Even the ones like Anna who have been in daycare/school since month 3 of their little lives. The more I read I think I’m able to tie it back to the loss of her awesome teachers from last year. There were several frustrating days when I couldn’t even get Anna to GET INTO THE CAR TO COME HOME without carrying her screaming down the hall past the other happy children and glaring parents.

 

So there, let’s label it. Separation Anxiety. Apparently after the 18 month old one (we had a touch of it but nothing too bad), there’s another one right about NOW. Probably brought on from the loss of her favorite teacher paired with mother abandonment to Europe. Or something. In fact there’s a little girl in her class who just started it too. I told Anna one morning that they should just go over and hold each other while crying!

 

This sucks. I want to take her to attempt to start Soccer Tots this Saturday but I’m thinking there’s no way she’s going to let me leave her to play with complete strangers while I sit on the side and watch. I have a feeling this won’t go very well and now my bigger fear is that it’s going to be limiting socially or something because apparently this could drag on forever. She’s always taken awhile to warm up to new situations anyway. Soccer Tots is a 50 minute class. We don’t have all day.

 

Well there you go. Don’t know if giving it a name and accepting it will help me rationalize through it, or make it worse in my own mind. Probably both.