41 hours

This weekend I had 41 hours by myself, with paul and Anna away. I'm used to being away from them, but usually it's ME doing the leaving.

This time Paul realized at the last minute that he had a training class in Austin on Saturday. Since I also had a class on Saturday here in Houston, that was an Anna schedule conflict. I could cancel. Instead he suggested he take Anna out to Austin with him so she could hang with my mom.
And so I had a day or two to think of all the possibilites I could use my off-duty time for. Not only could I do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I didn't have to feel guilty or rushed about it. It's not like I'm never allowed to do what I want when she's here, it's just that it's never the same quality. Hard to explain but whatever I'm doing, if I'm not with her, and she's at home, I feel rushed to get home. If I'm trying to get stuff done at home, no matter how good she is or how well she plays on her own, I still have that self-imposed sense of urgency to finish the task and get back to Anna. The feeling is always there when I'm not with her.

So what do I choose to do in my 41 hours alone? Slow down the clock, ofcourse. And lay low. And sleep in a little. When they left Friday night I had an exam to write and I left the TV on Nick Jr to keep me company. I was surprised my this conscious decision. Nothing else seemed right. Certainly not silence. Nothing too grown up.

Every weird sound had me glance up at her monitor reflexively, but it wasn't even on. She wasn't in the house. She wasn't up in her bed. Weird but I was a little sad. Didn't expect this.

Did I sleep in on Sat? No. I had already committed to a 6 mile run with my run group at 5:45am (committed before I found out I'd be alone and could have otherwise slept in, whatever that may mean these days).

After I declined their invitation for coffee bc mama had a list of stuff to do that involved a car wash and a slow shopping day before my training started at 1:00. After the car wash, a tiny bit of shopping, I opted to just go home and chill instead of the mall. It's not often I chill at home quietly. But first, lunch at cafe express.

My class got out at 4:00, an hour early! So back to the house to finish a writing project related to licensing our exercise machine. When I finished that sooner than planned, it was ordered-in dinner, wine, and pay per view.

In my mind, decadent.

At 3:36am the TV in the living room blasts on. Spooked by myself. I blame the cat.

Sunday I sleep in! I discover that this means wake up at around 8, and laying in bed till around 9. I got to doing stuff around the house before I realized I hadn't eaten breakfast. I guess I wasn't driven by the 7:30 wake up and breakfast of the usual weekend schedule.

I spent the rest of the morning racing towards a house that was cleaned with thought, rather than routine. Little stuff that had been hanging around was put away properly. Corners were cleaned. Stair rails dusted. Cat fur vacuumed in the chairs we never sit in. Coupons cleared and clipped. Even made it to the grocery store.

And what, you thought I'd be hitting the town with my peeps or something in my 41 hours?

And then they arrived home and the momentum swung back towards the speed of reality. Anna's play date (Her friend K from shool finally) was coming in a few hours and then Monday starts another week.

Good night!