Yay for Halloween!!! Anna's going to be a cat, she's so excited!!! She talked me into a cat costume too, so we're twins. Paul is Indiana Jones :) As it turns out, Anna can hum the Indiana Jones theme all the way through. Had no idea!

A friend gave us her tickets to go see Drumline Live downtown. On a whim I said sure, let's go, even though it was a school night, Tues, and it started at 7:30pm. I had energy and figured we'd see how far we'd get before Anna was ready to leave. Maybe at intermission?

I told her she'd better not cry at the end like she did at Story Time Live. She said she'd cried then because she didn't want to leave but she wouldn't cry this time.

When we got there, outside the entrance was a high school Drumline. After she watched them play, she wanted to high five them. So we did. This little 3 yr old in a pink dress...looking up at the tall guys in uniform with big drums...asking to high-five them...seriously cute.

She loved the whole show, based on Historically Black Colleges and University marching band Drumline. She kept asking for more between the sets and she wanted to high-five them too. Didn't do that; I told her they were tired and needed to go to bed!

She lasted the WHOLE show, even though at the end she started to glaze over, fighting sleep. She really did enjoy the whole show. We were super impressed with how good she was and how we could all enjoy the show without the typical kid distractions of what we've been used to for the last 3 years.It's great to know she's getting to that point of just being a little person, capable of enjoying something other than huge displays of sparkles and dancing goofy animals.

Tomorrow Anna's running a kid's 1k and me a 5k for Halloween. Then we're doing the JSC Ballunar festival Then Sunday we're ready for Trick or Treating! Busy, busy weekend. Here we go!

Home

I'm home from Berlin!

Yesterday I did the Turbo Jam 30 minute Fat Blaster exercise video in the living room and Anna joined me. She kept up with the whole dang thing, taking water breaks and giving high-fives between sets. The most adorable thing I've witnessed in my entire life. Seriously. They have no idea at this age that they are so sweetly uncoordinated.

Now she keeps asking to do the exercise video again. I told her I had to teach tonight but she should ask Daddy. So she did and I heard Paul tell her yes :)

Therefore, Paul will be Fat Blasting tonight. And her enthusiasm (for now) ensures compliance for me, now doesn't it?

When I was in Berlin last week, I visited the Sachsenhausen concentration camp. It was the first one built in Germany. And it went pretty much as I thought it would, which was "Holy Shit." Which is profound because I rarely cuss, let alone cuss in writing.

Actually my thoughts going in, not ever having read a Holocaust book, or visited a museum, or watched a documentary (See how good I am at shielding myself?), was: "Would it be worse for some Nazi to take your child from you BEFORE you got sent to the camps, or AFTER? Would you want to know what happened to your child (murder), or just never hear and assume the worst without knowing the details?"

As it turns out, those thoughts just barely scratched the surface of what I learned at Sachsenhausen, where it was mostly a camp for men (though there were a few children and women), where 200,000 or so are estimated to have been killed. Incidentally, in the entire Nazi regime, 6 million Jews were killed, and likely an equal number of homosexuals, political prisoners, social outcasts, and disabled, bring the totals up to something like 12 million.

Mass murderers exist. They're out there, scattered about, and you see them pop up on TV or in books. But look at what you can do when one of them can rise to power: come along fellow sociopaths, let's brain wash other sociopaths and see how many we can kill. Not just kill, but let's torture them first and see just what the human spirit is capable of. We talked about the fact that genocide still exists today. It's there, just not so widely publicized for different reasons.

I look at my 3 year old and can't comprehend someone pulling her away from me to murder her. Before the camps, there were ghettos where all the Jews were forced to live with basically nothing. And look, my child gets annoyed if I say NO to a piece of candy. Isn't she lucky?

If they took my child from me, I'd probably kill myself before or in the camps. But then maybe not, because maybe I'd be hoping the allies would win the war soon, before they killed my child. Even though it's possible my child is already dead. But maybe not. Not to mention my husband. Maybe I'd hang on, thinking any day now. Like I'm sure most did. Some killed themselves just days before liberation.

The concentration camps were liberated by allies in 1945 (and the camps were started around 1934). That means anyone in them still alive were freed. Even though it wasn't that easy actually. Nazis put them through death marches first but really this isn't a post about the history of the Nazi regime.

Mostly holy crap. I have gained a new perspective of life, just in a brief tour of Sachsenhausen, where I first felt like a dumb ass tourist gawking in my tennis shoes and nice warm coat at a place where 200,000 froze, were gassed, were shot, were starved, were worked or any list of other insane means of death. So spooky I can't put it in words and so all I could do was listen to the tour guide. Oh and I bought two books. One of which was written as a little boy who miraculously escaped death a number of times to survive a few years in a few different camps. In fact, it's called "Lucky Child". Not as graphic as it could have been, thankfully. I have one more to read, written from a woman MD in the camps, called "Witness". But I think I'll have to work up to that one sometime, if ever.

The next afternoon after a conference day I took a city tour of Berlin. Saw the wall, the Nazi buildings, the historical sites that existed but were then plowed during WWI and WWII. The place where Hitler shot himself is now just a parking lot with not even a plaque. On my tour just happened to be visitors from Israel, a husband and wife, who were 2nd generation Holocaust survivors. They were not going to Sachsenhausen but were still interested in Berlin. It was interesting to hear their perspective on things. Ironically, they are also the Israeli neighbors of the late Ilan Ramon and his wife. Ramon died in the Columbia shuttle accident in 2003. They also spoke of the fact that Ramon's son died last year in an F-16 crash (I thought I'd remembered reading about that) and that Ramon's wife was so devastated. It was incredibly interesting to hear her perspective of things both with the Ramons and with the Holocaust. But damn if that didn't work my conversation skills much heavier than ever. As it is I am incapable of any exclamatory words beyond "Wow. Gasp! Amazing." What do you say??? Holocaust survivor? Ilan Ramon's neighbor? WHAT ARE THE ODDS THEY'D BE ON MY TOUR? Truly freakish and very enlightening. The wife's occupation was a psychiatrist. Imagine that.

At the end of the tour, I chatted with the tour guide, who was American, about the recent Al Queida threats against Americans in Berlin. Our attitude about it wasn't all that serious or worrisome. But it really was in interesting contrast to the Holocaust conversations we just had, if you can imagine.

It's so good to be home.

Perspective on Food: an article

Reading through my Twitter account, I found an article about obesity and food addiction tweeted from an unlikely source: Rainn Wilson (Dwight on The Office). He praised the article in his tweet and I figured I was bored enough at the Frankfurt airport to read it, to see if there was anything new to learn.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/food-addiction-could-it-e_b_764863.html

The article talks about food as an addiction, compares overeating with substance addiction: things I'd heard or read somewhere before and knew somewhere in my own mind, but maybe needed a refresher.

I love food and I try to keep Anna to the healthy stuff. But she's a kid and she's allowed candy within reason. Processed food happens a lot on travel, and frankly, too many meals out of boxes at home. I do read the labels: no HFCS, and whole grains, reduced sugar where I can. But this article puts an interesting spin on how to help Anna learn to eat right. If not for obesity control, then to control addiction to food. The article blames industry for secretly making us addictive to their stuff. Now I'm certainly not the conspiratory theorist type, but at one point cigarettes were harmless. Big industry. Something to think about.

GO Team GO!

The last time I was sitting at this airport gate, I was not in the mood to be gone for two weeks (recall June 13, screwed up dance recital, Paul's birthday, and a plane full of Germans and an unhappy, depressed Spacemama). This time my only regret is that Paul and Anna aren't with me. Darn that feeling that gets me every time I walk into an airport without them lately. The feeling is getting worse. Maybe next year they can come with me overseas at some point. When the car picked me up, Anna was full of hugs and kisses, but not overdoing it, and I swear she had a look to her almost like she thought it was cool to get into that car and go to the airport (maybe it's because Mommy wasn't driving :) ). She asked me if there would be movies in the car. You should have seen her face when I told her the next time she was coming with me! Excited! I swear she's such a BIG GIRL.

This weekend the 3 of us were scattered 3 different ways. I was at the ISS Physics workshop, Paul was on the 2 day Capitol to Coast relay run from Austin to Corpus Christi and Anna was having sleep overs and manicures with my mom and my sister and the family in Austin. My brain came back too full, Paul's body the most sore ever in his life, and Anna with more toys and bracelets and candy.






















My plane flew in from California to Austin last night. Anna slept over at my sister's house where she had a blast with the kittens and her older cousins. I scooped her up in the morning and as we were driving away she said she'd missed me, and was I going on vacation again soon? I told her one more time, tomorrow, then I'm back home on Friday. She said "then that's it?" Yes, that's it. Thing is she said it all not with a depressed tone "awww do you HAVE to go?" But rather like "OK, cool, see you when I get back. Love and miss you and I'm good". She's such a big girl and for now she's ok with this travel. Besides she gets to party and sleep in my bed when I'm gone :) All day she said she was glad I'm home, she'd missed me and she loved me. It's been the sweetest thing ever.

And I think she's grown like 2 years just since Tuesday.

We were halfway to Corpus to watch Paul cross the finish line when I realized she was wearing two arms full of these shaped-rubber bracelet things I'd never seen her wear before. She gave me half of them for my arm.

I'm glad the 3 of us are at a point where we can pull off something like this: Anna's old enough that we can all go separate ways even if only for 24 hours, and have a great time and meet up again. Today we grabbed Paul at the beach when he was finished, and since they played harder than I did (only my brain is tired), I drove us back to Houston.



We are one worn out crew.


On to Berlin tonight, and back home on Friday. The next few times I travel, they're joining me.

California

It seems to me that California would be a great place to raise kids. I got to my hotel room early enough to go to the beach and watch some families enjoy surfing in the cold (in my opinion) beach weather. They had wet suits on and the kids got excited when their pizza arrived. Sunset.

California reminds me a lot of Colorado. But it has mountains, forests, deserts, beaches, all kinds of climate. Travel up and down the state to get the variety. What a great place for families to make memories. Well, except for those unpredictable earthquakes.

Anna won't get those kinds of opportunities in bland old Houston. There's Galveston I guess, and the rest of Texas has some nice things. But let's face it, it's no California or Colorado. This bums me out and makes me hope that she gets out to see the world the older she gets. Maybe she'll move to some place fabulous that she will fall in love with when she's older. It probably won't be Houston! Well, at least I'm not alone in raising my kid in Hell (er..um...Houston). We all make the most of it; none of us really are that thrilled to be there. Clear Lake is a great community, and is definitely a better place to live for those of us who have to live in Houston. So I'm grateful for that.

The resort I'm at right now once again kicks butt. But this time I am missing Anna and Paul more than usual and wish they were here with me. In reality, though, my schedule for the next 3 days will be 8am-6pm with probably additional social/dinner requirements so there'd be that conflict if they were here. But look at my view from my hotel room!

I still don't know how I got so lucky in my current role at NASA. I am loving the travel, though I miss Anna and Paul. Anna's getting old enough to come with me soon, and one day Paul's clinic will be structured such that he can come too. Actually, they are both coming with me to San Diego next month when I present a paper at a conference. So I am really looking forward to them coming with me back to California!

In fact I'm planning to cut back on travel as much as possible next year. I do love it: I get to learn tons of space stuff during the day and enjoy the location during my off time. But I do miss my little family too. So striking the right balance is the deal.

Well, off to work a little tonight before bed. I got an email from NASA headquarters today asking me to work with a NASA team to support a project for First Lady Michelle Obama. How cool is THAT?!

October

There's plenty of October left. Even though I feel like it's mostly scheduled out and done, really there's lots left. I'm looking forward to taking this month slowly and savoring the time till Halloween.

Thankfully, Anna seems to love Halloween as much as we do (what kid wouldn't?). She's got her costume almost all ready: she's been wanting to be a cat since August and hasn't changed her mind, other than the color of cat she wants to be (pink, purple...we're holding off on that leotard till almost last minute so she can settle). She remembers trick or treating from last year I think, which is important to me since it means we're making good memories for her, even though she was only 2.5 yrs old at that time. In fact she seems to remember a lot from her few previous years.







I'm sitting in the Houston airport waiting for the fog to clear before I catch a delayed flight to ultimately land me in Dana Point, California. This time it's 3 days full of workshops on creative experiment design and collabroation for ISS fundamental physics. I took a look at the agenda and most of this will be wayyyyy above my head since they're centered around laser-type things (not really fundamental physics to me) and atomic clocks. I'm looking forward to learning about it but I wonder how much I'll really retain. I got to give Anna quick kisses and hugs in her bed as I left this morning. She was upset I wasn't bringing her to school but got over it as soon as I promised to bring her back a surprise. Her request was the usual: chocolate and candy and lots and lots of toys, and this time a bag. I assume she means the reusable type like I brought her back from Orlando that seem to keep multiplying in our house! She doesn't even use them but now she wants one.

She had her first sleep over at a friend's house on Saturday night! Family friend, L, who is just a month older than Anna. When they get together they go nuts! They're awesome to watch, since L is way more crazy outgoing than Anna, but Anna catches on quickly and soon follows. At L's house, there are lots of neighborhood kids and the parents all shut down the street while they watch the kids all play games, ride bikes, dance, do whatever. So I am told Anna had a most AWESOME party time (including a little tailgating with Sprite), which worries me about her future spring break choices (she is a Picese, and so is L, afterall), but I guess we have time to deal with that. After partying, they ate tacos for dinner, took a bath "with all my friends, mommy!" in the big bathtub, and watched movies until 11:30pm! They were up again at 7am for breakfast and play. Paul and I went out to a nice dinner that night while I texted frequently to check on Anna. Anna never once asked to come home!! We're freaking lucky to have family friends where Anna just can go and have new experience and make new, fun memories since I think our house is pretty boring all the time with no other kids to play with. Anna's been going to L's house a lot lately, mostly when I'm on travel and Paul has to work a football game or something. L's house is one big block party. I'm super grateful to L's mom, LW who is also one of Paul's employees. LW seems to take on the challenge of 3.5 year old girlie sleepovers for fun! Actually, who can resist giggly 3 year old girls???

They're really super cute.

Testing the ability to post pictures straight from my phone. Here's a shot of Paul during his interview with Channel 39 News this week. It was a neat experience. The news crew was impressed with all of Paul's knowledge and enthusiasm. It should be aired next week as part of a piece they're airing on the local high school volleyball teams and the main palyers' success, some attributed being treated at Valeo PT. Now we're hearing that the Sports Director was so impressed with Paul's little clinic that it's a possibility it may get its own little story (but who knows...). They were at the clinic for a little over an hour for what would show up in the volleyball piece as probably a quick blurb :) Either way, we have no idea who watches the WB News but good and free press is helpful no matter what!

We are currently working on expanding the clinic to a location in a new building across the street. No doubt we need the room. The question now is how big do we want to plan for that space? We have a couple of square feet options. We don't want to bite off more than we can chew so that we're constantly working overtime and stressed to make the bills. However, we want enough space to grow so we don't have to move in another 5 years. Each move costs money and time and brain work. There are so many variables and things to think about, we're really buckling down on the financial planning. Which is painful. There's a comfort to the current smallish situation. Debt is mostly paid off and we're just now getting the hang of processes and efficiency 3 years into the doors opening. On the other hand, people are rubbing elbows badly. Patients and the staff. There's so much energy and so many bodies in the clinic than was planned. Growth is a good thing but now we're talking about major changes which takes focus, time, concentration, and planning on our part and those are all things that are really tough to spare when there are only 24 hours in a day.

At any rate, something must be done. We have a potential landlord ready to work with us, we have submitted sketches to him for the new layout, and now we're talking $$. If you expect a clinic that's 5 times the size of the current one, you should expect 5 times the expenses and 5 times the focus and concentration and time. And that's scary.

Don't know when the little piece is going to air on the news (we're hearing something like next week). I'll be out of town but will have the DVR set to record it :)

I had to bribe her with Santa Clause (don't ask) to get her to consent to taking this photo. She is a blur these days because when she sees the camera, it becomes a hide and seek game. She's actually been this was since...well, since right around when she turned 3! So several months. But this morning I realized that the photos have become so fewer and farther between that I had to catch one to mark how tall she's gotten.

She's at least consented to wearing pig tails again, after around 8 months of continuous rejection. Now she sees their usefulness as a potential weapon. She won't consent to a hair cut because for now she likes it long, and I'm agreeing to that as long as she continues to some kind of agreement of keeping it out of her face. I hate to watch her eat her hair with her syrup at breakfast.

It seems like all of the step stools in the house have slowly disappeared, or have started collecting dust, except for the one we pull out at the kitchen sink for her. Even the one for her big, tall, bed is gone because she's earned enough height to climb up without frustration. A step stool has been added under her bedroom light switch.

She's still in pull-ups for night time, and it looks like there's no end in sight there, at least any time soon. I'm just fine with this; the only thing that worries me is when I start to realize I don't really know what age they're supposed to stop wetting at night. I know a few her age who've stopped by now and a few who've dragged on for a few more years from now. I suspect if I formally look up the answer, it will be like potty training, "it will just come when it's time."

She's pretty much done with naps, except occasionally she'll surprise us all and nap at school. But for the last month or 2, we've had no naps at home. For the most part she can hang with that; she doesn't really get cranky, though she does seem so tired I start to feel bad for her. It just means an early bedtime :)

Speaking of which, have you noticed how it's getting darker earlier? It's also CHILLY outside! How'd this happen when I just now paid that outrageous electricity bill two days ago from the 100 degree weather we had last month?

Halloween is coming and Anna's super excited! She's gonna be a cat. Paul found the accessories for like $5 at Target (what a man) and so now we need the leotard (she wants to be a grey, then black, then pink, then purple cat. We're waiting for her final decision :) ). She begs DAILY for us to go outside and put out the Halloween decorations and daily we have to push her off till this weekend. Most days she skips right over Halloween and begs for Christmas. She especially begs for the big dumb Frosty that mom gave us for the yard last year :) This kid is about to have a really fun rest-of-the year!

Well I leave again on Tuesday morning for more work travel. This time to California for an ISS Fundamental Physics workshop. I am TOTALLY STOKED about this because if my brain can stay focused, I'm going to learn TONS. Just hoping I can retain it :) Then I come home on Friday night and turn around for a conference presentation in Berlin (I still need to make my charts!) at the Medicine in Extreme Environments conference. So pretty much gone for 2 weeks and once again Anna will live the rockstart lifestyle while The Regulator is away :) After this, no travel till mid November, to San Diego for a conference, and this time Paul and Anna are coming too.

Well, gotta run. It's my lunch break and I'm darting over to have lunch with A today.
PS, Channel 39 News came by Paul's clinic yesterday for over an hour to interview Paul and play with all the cool toys at his clinic. They are integrating it into a piece about the success of the local high school volleyball athletes Paul is treating and how his methods seem to be helping. The interview guy who came out is Jeorge Vargas, Sports Director for that news channel. It's the WB news, which I think nobody really watches (we don't ;) but still it's great press! By the way, the reason they knew about Paul is that the father of one of these volleyball starts called Jeorge directly and told him he needed to come out here. This father is a super nice guy, radiates the best energy, and so does his wife. It's good to have clients looking out for you like that. I took pics of their visit and I'll post them soon!

Yes, THE AARP (THAT ONE)

Last week I spent about 4 nights in Orlando, working at the NASA exhibit at the AARP conference. Yes, THE AARP conference. Mom came with me, since our hotel was right on Universal Studios property (Loew’s Portofino Bay) and we got to come and go through the park. I’m really lucky to be able to be sent on work trips where I get to talk about NASA all day and then in the off time, ride roller coasters! We had a blast, and even went to the Halloween night at Universal, where they convert parts of the park to Haunted Houses, and there are creepy, scary creatures chasing you all over the park. Oh, and beer or shots sold on every corner. Definitely a different park during Halloween nights.

 

The NASA exhibit itself was fun, if not super tiring. Painful feet, a sore voice, and a new perspective on how AARP members feel about NASA just about sums it all up. Three days straight of all day answering questions, and Thursday I hadn’t even realized that it was Oct 1. New start of the fiscal year, accompanied by layoffs at JSC and KSC related to the space shuttle retirement. I didn’t know it until the first person walked up to me and asked me about it. He was from the KSC area. In fact, look, I was in Orlando and as it turns out, I was surrounded by KSC-lovers and retirees.

 

What a year to pick to have the AARP conference in Orlando (it varies every year).

 

I tried to duck as many political questions I could (I had no idea how many people in this age group hate the Russians…how COULD WE rely on the Russian vehicles to get our people up and down on ISS when shuttle retires?! HOW COULD WE?! Never mind we’ve been doing it for the last 10 years anyway, especially when our shuttle fleet was grounded for 2 years after the Columbia accident.). Still, some people were happy and enthused, while others cranky about that. GO AMERICA! I have a feeling I got a pretty fair sampling of this voting demographics’ feelings on NASA. They’re mixed and they’re strong, either way.

 

Mom and I had a great trip and when I got back home, I didn’t know what to expect from Anna. A hug would have been nice. Or even, HI MOMMY! I’VE MISSED YOU NOW WHAT DID YOU GET ME?! Instead I got: I don’t WANT you to be home, mommy!

 

She gets to sleep in my bed with Daddy when I’m gone. She gets to party hard, visit friends, and keep a non-schedule. She gets to refuse hair brushing (though teeth brushing is still mandatory from what I understand) and I’m not sure about the meals, although I understand she went to a Chinese restaurant with L and her family on Friday night. All bonus side effects of Paul’s crazy busy schedule. I’m just minimally fun for her.

 

Trust me, I don’t take offense by this. The fact that she’s not missing me terribly actually helps relieve some of my travel guilt. So I’m good. Also I don’t mind being the consistent, routine-driven mommy. She’s a lucky kid she can have the experience of both.

 

Of course, she DID come around just a little while later, ESPECIALLY when she saw all the goodies mom and I brought her back. She’s back to spontaneous “I LOVE YOU,” had no problem back into her own bed last night, and overall just fine. I asked her why she doesn’t like to talk to me on the phone when I’m gone and she said, “Because I think it’s funny!”

 

This being said, I can’t wait till she’s old enough to take with me.

 

 

Everybody has a story

I'm at the Kansas City airport. The News channels are blasting at me. It's the #1 thing I hate about airports. Even more than TSA. News channels blasting crap at me I don't want to hear or need to hear. It feels like poison, even if part of me would like to be informed enough to have an intelligent conversation about tax cuts or health care. Oh well. I'll take blissful ignorance over anger and depression anyday.

Last night I gave a keynote address at another McNair scholars student conference. It seems last year I did a good handful of these, but this year, just this one. I was asked to do a few but this one was the only one that worked with my schedule. They heard about me from a man named MH, who heard me give this speech the very second time I ever did, which was in 2007 when Anna was 6 months old. (I gave this speech before, way back in 2002 but nothing like the 2007 version). MH is a director of McNair programs in Oklahoma. In 2008 I was asked to give my speech at a few other student conferences and it seemed I was running into MH at every one. In the elevator, in the hallways. The first time I ran into him, he told me how much he enjoyed my speech and recited things from it that I forgot I even said. THAT blew my mind. Every year I do one of these conference I expect to see him, and as usual, last night I did. He sat in the back "enjoying" my speech as always and then afterwards we had a long talk. He can see my growth every time I give this speech. It seems every year we talk a little more and more because we are meant to. Last night I was telling him I couldn't understand why students CRIED last night during my speech. Seriously, I'm just telling my story. My friends know my story and nobody cries ;) . He had some pretty powerful words that reosnated with me and made a lot of sense. Right down to the soul's purpose. Holy shit. Finally I realized why I suddenly feel fine if I never am an astronaut (remember THAT post)? I didn't know why it suddenly hit me that I'm content and happy and if I'm never selected to be an astronaut, all is still right. I thought that was weird and I'd turned into one of "THOSE" adults whose life suddenly had meaning just cause I had a kid and gotten "wise" in my years (HA!). But what it really means is that I'm happy just being "who I am". Whew, what a relief. He's right, I'm just happy being who I am. I may not be an astronaut. Granted, life has its ups and downs and I don't expect to escape the intensely horrible DOWNS but for now, and for the past few years, I can see why things happen when they do and why.

Ironically, the whole premise of why I've lived my life the way I have is based on something an astronaut told me when I was in high school. When I asked him the typical question he'd probably heard 99,999 times before, "What would you suggest I do to become an astronaut," he gave the same answer I've since heard them give 99,999 times over: "nobody's guaranteed to get to BE an astronaut. Even the greatest people. So just have fun, whatevery you do along your way." Was this the whole reason my sould even wanted me to pursue the astronaut thing? Just so I could take a field trip to JSC in high school and hear this astronaut's canned reply that ended up resonating with me the rest of my life? (And oh by the way, space is pretty cool anyway).

That plus the fact that I found my soul mate when I was in middle school. I think we made some pact before we were born to hurry up and find each other early in life to make the most of it :) I'll never be able to quantify his impact on my life.

But really I tell the stuents there's nothing magical about me. I never understand really inside why I keep being asked to do these presentations, other than the fact that I look good on paper. Really I took the same path they did. Maybe my advantage comes in trying to tune out the noise. Our human existance is so full of NOISE and DRAMA and nonsense messages. It's maddening and much of it is just fabrication; a result of our physical existance.

It's probably why I hate the news.

If people could tune out the noise, I think it might be easier. Some people (my mother) have accused me of being cold-hearted and non-caring. That's not it. It's what comes across when I'm tuning out the nonsense, the drama, and junk that is not important to happiness or survival. I'm not saying I can tune it out all the time. Like the airport CNN and FOX channels blasting out opposing messages at me and I forgot hy headphones so I have to hear it, that's life. It's everywhere and I, like everyone else, can get caught up in impatience at home and complacency at work and loss of physical energy and frustration with things I can't control. But the drama of all of that is dangerous if it becomes internalized and if life is taken personally.

I'm at a point in life where I get the main message, even if the details are constantly being finely tuned: that is, everyone has a purpose. I don't mean a divine plan, but holy crap, part of my purpose is to radiate something (happiness?) at a level that the room full of students can relate to. It's not even about my NASA title; it's more about a conversation with them that makes them take a second to think about things when otherwise they're in the middle of a bunch of noise. Wow, how lucky am I that this is part of my purpose? Part of my soul's plan before I came into this world. YAY ME!

Well, time to catch my plane. I'm coming home!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today was the first day of fall and my 36th birthday!

Or so I thought until Paul asked, "Well then did we miscalculate MY age?"

Huh?

Re-did the math, I am only turning 35! Wow, I just gained back a whole additional year of my life :) So that's cool but then I'm wondering what the hell happened to 34? When did I forget my age?

Oh well, I hear this happens alot.

Anna's been talking all week abouot how she wants to get me purple shoes and a birthday cake for my birthday "party". I got a text from Paul at around 3:30pm today that said, "I think she's serious about the shoes. What size do you wear?"

I understand Paul talked her out of a pair of $160 purple heels and a purple be-dazzled back pack before she settled on pink converse. As it turns out, she got herself a pink pair and Paul got a black pair so now we all "match".

We ate ice cream cake for dinner and Anna's comments here and there made me realize she was expecting a REAL party. With lots of gifts with paper and bows and stuff. So I did my best to pretend we were having a little birthday party, just the 3 of us.

Then we went outside to play for a little while, since the weather was nice enough we weren't sweating our butts off. Even though the mosquitos were still in full force.

Otherwise it was a pretty normal day. It's good for me since I like my normal days. But I did skip my morning run :)

Peace.

> Shuttle commander Mark Kelly is here presenting about Twitter at the NASA Advisory Committee. He likes that PAO doesn't interfere with their tweets.
>
> 4 minutes later as we look through his twitter stream on screen, NASA Watch tweets: "@shuttlecdrkelly pushes the envelope with Twittering without PAO censoring. He just doesn't care. EXCELLENT!"
>
> Hilarious how viral this is! The NASA watch guys are on the line listening to this meeting and tweeted it right away. Viral!!!
>
> Hilarious!

41 hours

This weekend I had 41 hours by myself, with paul and Anna away. I'm used to being away from them, but usually it's ME doing the leaving.

This time Paul realized at the last minute that he had a training class in Austin on Saturday. Since I also had a class on Saturday here in Houston, that was an Anna schedule conflict. I could cancel. Instead he suggested he take Anna out to Austin with him so she could hang with my mom.
And so I had a day or two to think of all the possibilites I could use my off-duty time for. Not only could I do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I didn't have to feel guilty or rushed about it. It's not like I'm never allowed to do what I want when she's here, it's just that it's never the same quality. Hard to explain but whatever I'm doing, if I'm not with her, and she's at home, I feel rushed to get home. If I'm trying to get stuff done at home, no matter how good she is or how well she plays on her own, I still have that self-imposed sense of urgency to finish the task and get back to Anna. The feeling is always there when I'm not with her.

So what do I choose to do in my 41 hours alone? Slow down the clock, ofcourse. And lay low. And sleep in a little. When they left Friday night I had an exam to write and I left the TV on Nick Jr to keep me company. I was surprised my this conscious decision. Nothing else seemed right. Certainly not silence. Nothing too grown up.

Every weird sound had me glance up at her monitor reflexively, but it wasn't even on. She wasn't in the house. She wasn't up in her bed. Weird but I was a little sad. Didn't expect this.

Did I sleep in on Sat? No. I had already committed to a 6 mile run with my run group at 5:45am (committed before I found out I'd be alone and could have otherwise slept in, whatever that may mean these days).

After I declined their invitation for coffee bc mama had a list of stuff to do that involved a car wash and a slow shopping day before my training started at 1:00. After the car wash, a tiny bit of shopping, I opted to just go home and chill instead of the mall. It's not often I chill at home quietly. But first, lunch at cafe express.

My class got out at 4:00, an hour early! So back to the house to finish a writing project related to licensing our exercise machine. When I finished that sooner than planned, it was ordered-in dinner, wine, and pay per view.

In my mind, decadent.

At 3:36am the TV in the living room blasts on. Spooked by myself. I blame the cat.

Sunday I sleep in! I discover that this means wake up at around 8, and laying in bed till around 9. I got to doing stuff around the house before I realized I hadn't eaten breakfast. I guess I wasn't driven by the 7:30 wake up and breakfast of the usual weekend schedule.

I spent the rest of the morning racing towards a house that was cleaned with thought, rather than routine. Little stuff that had been hanging around was put away properly. Corners were cleaned. Stair rails dusted. Cat fur vacuumed in the chairs we never sit in. Coupons cleared and clipped. Even made it to the grocery store.

And what, you thought I'd be hitting the town with my peeps or something in my 41 hours?

And then they arrived home and the momentum swung back towards the speed of reality. Anna's play date (Her friend K from shool finally) was coming in a few hours and then Monday starts another week.

Good night!

Anna’s loving her new class so much! Last weekend was a holiday and we told her we were going to her Nanee’s camp in the swamp (which she always loves) and instead of “YAY!” she said, “but I want to go to school! I LIKE school!”

 

I had to explain to her that her school’s closed for the holiday and that she can tell her teacher and new friends about the swamp when she gets back. On Monday night, she asked if we have school tomorrow and I said yes, her response was “Oh I’m so EXCITING to go to school!”

 

She very much is enjoying the new class and there’s not been a tear at drop off since…oh wait, this morning she went to give me a big SNAP (hand trick) good-bye and fell over, and slammed into a chair. So much for looking cool ;) At any rate, she kisses me and runs off to see what Ms. A is about to start talking about. She comes home with some impressive work as well, and she’s been progressing through her letter and number recognition with me (and they do that in class some days too, depending on the curriculum for the day) so I think it’s all going well.

 

She may not be in the other decked out 3 yr old classroom that has “Mrs. J’s students are STARS!” written on the door with pictures of each kid’s face inside of an astronaut space suit (DAMMIT!) but she’s thriving, excited, and doing well. No more tears.

 

So screw it, I guess it wasn’t separation anxiety as much as it was boredom all summer. Noted.