Staying Dry

Anna's been potty trained since just before she was 3 years old...but has never managed to stay dry at night. She's still in pull ups at night, and most usually they're soaked by the morning. We've had week-longs stretches of dryness occasionally in the past, but that's a rarity. This is such a sensitive issue, we've taken her pediatrician's advice on not pushing her too hard on this. But if you ask around long enough on all of this, it seems the issue is split: ranging from behavioral to physiological to hereditary bases. I've been told to "just put her in her big girl undies, and after a few wet nights she'll get the idea!" (behavioral). My physiology books say that there's hormones that are regulated by the light/dark cycle, some of which are involved in bladder control, that develop later for some kids than others (physiological). I've read some Baby Center articles that say the muscles to control the bladder at night and the link to the brain telling the child to "not pee!" may take longer to develop in others.

What the hell.

I don't know what the answer is. But since she'll be 5 in March and she seems ready to participate in staying dry like a big girl, we've decided to go with big girl undies for bedtime instead of pull-ups. We talked with her about it just before Christmas, and miraculously starting with that night, she stayed dry all week (even though we hadn't switched to undies yet). Then the next week when she was at my mom's, she was wet all week. We'd agreed that her first night back at home, we'd start the big girl undies.

We doubled up the mattress pads and the sheet layers for quicker middle of night changes. We've prepped her for "just do your best, we won't get mad if you wet the bed! But the idea is to do your best." No water before bed, potty before bed, and that will be evidence of her best!

Night 1: Wet bed, 2am change
Night 2: Wet bed, 6:30am change

I don't think she's been trying her best because the battle over the water right before bed is still tough. She swears she's dying of thirst. My take on this is if you decide to drink water before bed, you're deciding you're wetting the bed. And that's that.

But our pedi says that limiting fluids like that isn't really going to help much anyway. When she wakes up wet, she isn't really upset. It's just more matter of fact, which is all likely a reflection of my own attitude on the whole thing. If I'd be upset over it, she would too. So what to do?! It's a Catch-22 for us: I try to get the point across that we're not mad when she wets the bed, but it's still not OK to wet the bed exactly. The goal is to do your best. If you've done your best and you still wet the bed, that's all we can do...

...Until these middle of the night wake-ups start to take their toll on us all...

For me it's a fine line between nudging her along and pushing. No one wants to push but we have to nudge a little or else risk no advancements at all. Like everything else, we'll just have to play this by ear.