Sensitivity

Anna-Marie has been asking a lot of questions over the past month or two that shows me she's becoming more and more sensitive and self-aware...

She's never been the type of kid you have to be hard on to get her to behave. Generally if you simply tell her to knock it off if she's acting up, she's compliant with minimal fuss. In fact, we've learned if you lay into her too hard or with a harsh tone without some kind of fair warning, she melts into tears. Geeze.

Not to say I don't lose my temper: I can only say GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH a handful of times before I lose my cool and the world around us both collapses...and of course we've have had the major knock-down, drag out battles. But in general, if she's acting like a little booger you really don't have to get into her face and scold...more like a firm "knock it off, you're not supposed to run in here" is enough to suffice.

She's always been that way and yes, she is an only child, and yes, I do think she's special when others probably don't (I'm her mom!), and yes, others may think I hover or protect her too much but I've come to terms with that lately and I'm starting to care less about that...and speaking my mind about it when I feel like it...but I'm digressing...

Every morning when we walk into school, she asks: "Mommy can anyone see boogers on my nose?" At first I didn't get what she meant but apparently she has realized she doesn't want to look like her boogery friends this time of year.

On the drive to school the other day she asks: "Mommy, why does everybody look at me when I make a mistake or do something wrong?"

A few weeks ago: "why does everyone look at me when I walk into the classroom?"

In a restaurant: "Why does that lady keep looking at me?"

"Why...why...why...ME" with the behavioral questions.

Mostly my answers are focused on the fact that she, too, looks at people when they walk into the classroom. And she must be staring at that woman herself to know that the woman is staring at her! And I ask her if she stares at her friends when they too make mistakes. And that everyone makes mistakes, and me too, and here's how to deal with it. Mostly it's a discussion centered on the fact that it's the behavior of "everyone" and it's nothing personal (she's the center of my own universe but not the center of THE universe). She seems to be getting it and this morning on the way to school instead of asking "Why...?" she said something to the effect that it's OK if she makes mistakes at school and everyone looks at her.

Are all 4 year olds this self-aware? Good Lord. I just assumed kids at this age get fussed for pulling their crap and the bounce off to go pull more crap...not melt into a personal pile of tears. I just assumed no kid this age even realized others were looking at them, much less about the mistakes they worry about making (and no I don't think she's this self-aware because she's the center of my own universe and has come to expect his means she's the center of EVERYONE'S universe).

Yes she's an only child, sure we treat her like she's the most special thing to ever happen to us (she is). We don't tell her she's perfect and we don't tell her to be mistake-free. We walk the fine line between "that's the best letter n I've ever seen!" and "your n looks more like an H!" because I'm bombarded with the latest motherhood information that too much praise of your child makes them think they can do no wrong and not enough praise destroys self confidence.

Well, Hell.

Each kid is born with innate character traits. Why not carve your approach to raising them around the kid you know? Why do we judge each other, still, as mothers? I've never been tough enough to let her cry it out, and yes I still have a monitor in her room because I'm her mother and if she needs me at 2AM, I will come up. She's perfectly capable of dressing herself, brushing her own teeth, and buckling her own seat belt if I just leave her right the Hell to it.

Good grief. Sensitive much? Gee, where could she get it....?