This time Last Year

This time last year Anna was 14.5 months and we were in Orlando ready to see the space shuttle launch our friend's husband into space. It was the best vacation ever. Our hotel was on the beach so Anna got to throw sand. Our hotel had a kick-ass swimming pool for kids with slides and fountains and ankle-deep water that was so much fun. After the shuttle launch (which was actually on time!), we went to Animal Kingdom at Disney and a neat little petting zoo outside of Disney. It was super cool. In fact, Paul and I have traveled alot and I'd swear this was my favorite trip EVER. It was a year ago today.









Today, we went to the Houston Children's museum. I'd heard mixed reviews, but today Paul was at a conference all day and rather than be bored or out in the heat I figured Anna and I would brave the Saturday crowds of children and give it a shot. I'm glad we went. She had a BLAST and even though there was a crowd, the kids weren't brats and their parents were well-behaved too :) We stayed around 2.5 hours (plenty) and she passed out on the car ride home. In fact she even slept through the transition from the car seat to her bed so she got a full 3 hour nap in! She didn't even complain about the car seat ONCE and the only peeps I heard from her were singing to her music and asking "more bridge, mommy!" and "where are we going, mommy?" But she did have the paci. No use in turning back now.

She's back to her happy old self again. The molar has also broken through a good bit (though not completely still yet). But it's nice to have the smiles and singing back and a more reasonable amount of typical toddler oppositional behavior :) Welcome back, baby. At least until the final molar pushes through. Love you.

We even remembered the cupcakes and cheese puffs

We pulled off another week!

This week's schedule was out of whack before the week even began, when Paul realized his schedule at work conflicted with Anna's care since I was out of town on Tues and Wed. It was a short week anyway with the holiday thrown in. He pulled it off with only one late afternoon meltdown from Anna (following one of her weird 5pm naps lately). Yesterday I had the day at work to catch up on some stuff, perform mommy duties , which included Anna's dinner, bath, and asking Paul to run out to purchase cupcakes for Anna's class tomorrow while I sang her bedtime songs (she wanted daddy to read her books and mommy's signing voice!)...insert here a quote from Esther re making my own cupcakes ;) Hey Esther, I really did make my own cupcakes for her classroom birthday party! Well, from a box but that counts....

Last night did not include exercise because I think my allergies are starting to wear on my energy a bit so I was pooped. I've actually felt drained all week and it's coinciding with sinus pressure. I was half asleep on the couch by the time Paul figured out how to use his miles for a free flight to Orlando in June where he'll join me without the toddler for a shuttle launch (and Universal Studios roller coasters baby!!) on his birthday since it coincides with some of my work meetings at KSC that week.

This morning saw Paul out the door to a conference downtown before I was even out of bed at 6am and an early waking for Anna since I had to have her at school and myself in place for a career day at a local middle school by 8am (favor of a co-worker). It all worked. She was so dang happy and cooperative this morning, it was unbelievable. Like my old Anna. Hell yeah, I even remembered to pack the cupcakes and got them in one piece to her classroom.

I forgot my cell phone at the house when I left this morning but that doesn't really count.

Before I left for Colorado, I packed the cheese puffs (part of an art project in her classroom) for Paul to bring while I was gone and even they made it.

It's the little things that we pull off that makes me feel good. See? Cheese puffs (check). Cupcakes (check). Safe child (check). Productive travel (check). Outreach (check). Schedule juggling (check). It's a good week even though it went by too quickly and I'm tired. And Anna was happy when she left this morning.

Except for the run-in we had with the socks. Up until 2 weeks ago, she always wore socks and tennis shoes to school. Never her sandals for a number of reasons. Her entire toddler life has been mostly socks and her tennis shoes. But the past 2 weeks has been sandals only. You get a sock onto her foot and she loses it, demanding it to be removed this very minute.

What the hell's with the socks? She has a whole drawer full of cute new socks I just bought in April and two pairs of the same Keds tennis shoes because she wore through her last ones. And so an new "toddler phase" begins. Annoying but I remind myself it could be worse (at least she still eats well and sleeps well...except for the occasional night terror thing).

She has learned to put her sandals on by herself completely (assuming she gets them on the correct foot the first time).

This morning's outreach was for a career day talk for a bunch of 5th graders for a co-worker I hardly know. But it's a fun part of my job so I created a slide show of pictures and talked about all the cool jobs at NASA. I don't usually talk to this age group so I wasn't sure how it'd go. Around 100 kids rotated through my talks and now they all know we have a space station on orbit and what is done up there (including how today just happens to be a historic day where now SIX astronauts live on the space station together, when in the past it's always been 2 or 3 at a time). I learned from them that China is planning to launch a missile that can carry black holes, and also that astronauts float in space because there is no oxygen. I could not answer their questions as to how black holes are created, or whether I really think the world will end in 2012. But I guess I have alot to learn ;)

On Sunday night, CM is going to be a super trooper and babysit Anna so that Paul and I can go to a No Doubt concert at the Woodlands. Anna should be sleeping the whole time so I hope he considers it some good downtime to just hang out. Unless she puts on one of her night terrors, which usually happens between 10:30pm-11:30pm. But we'll give him a crash course on that. ;) I think we'll probably be gone till midnight. Hey CM, you're welcome to invite Carmelo over and make it a boy's night :)

The car seat struggles with Anna have been tamed this week mostly due to the following:
1) I was gone on Tues and Wed so I only have had to bring her to/from school twice this week so I didn't have to experience her protests.
2) I have paci power. That's right, I gave it back to her in the car and when she starts fussing with the seat belts, I yank it right out of her mouth and it's amazing how well she can cooperate then. You get the idea. It keeps the peace. Soooo much more peaceful. Nothing I've tried works like that stupid paci. Oh well, it'll be her husband's problem one day if it's the only way she'll wear her seat belt.

Check this out today: http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/station/expeditions/expedition20/docking.html

Back in Fort Collins

Man. It's pretty neat to be back.

Get ready, this is long. I'm in a hotel room by myself, no toddler, no husband. In the city that Paul and I built our current lives on. So I have alot to say after touring our old haunts today. You don't have to read it. I want this in the weBLOG ether so that one day Anna can read this and get some idea of what life was like for her mom and dad in college.

If someone would have told me in 1995 when Paul and I first moved to Fort Collins that one day I'd be back as the Deputy Program Scientist for the International Space Station to participate as a board member on the CSU School of Biomedical Engineering Advisory Board, I would never have believed it, but I probably would have lightened up on myself since I was pretty self-competitive back then.

In 1995, Paul and I picked up our things, put them into a U-Haul, and drove my Geo Tracker and his Isuzu pick-up truck out here to start school at Colorado State University. Well, MY plan was to start school. Paul, fresh out of the Air Force, was going to work and maybe take a few classes. Having not yet found a place, we put our stuff in a storage and camped out at Horsetooth Reservoir for the 2 weeks before school started. We'd looked into several apartments and potential rentals and were shocked that the cost of living was so much more expensive in this perfect, clean, healthy little city than what we were used to. We came across a 2 bedroom old duplex (Quad-plex?) on La Porte Rd for $475 per month and thought it was so old and yucky that was a REDICULOUS asking price. But after a few more days of looking, we talked about it one night in our tent (the people next to our campsite commented: it's like you guys are moving in here! Yeah, well...sorta...). We weren't excited about that rent price for such a hell hole, but we guessed we could clean it up a bit, and with a little paint, it was do-able. It had no A/C, no central heat (just a large, old metal fireplace that Tiny loved to hang out in front of), no tub (shower only), separate hot/cold faucets (the old-time ones!) and an old-time single door fridge and old oven/stove. You get the idea. We painted the inside trim and even put up this horrible "Home Sweet Home" border around the inside. I started school and Paul started work as a garage door installer and took some evening classes in Denver (Denver Tech). I also found a job dissecting fleas for $7.00 per hour (which was alot to me back then!) and that's where I met my friend Avey...
...Anyway, eventually I realized that student loans would pay my tuition plus some living expenses and that it was actually financially more feasible for Paul to do the same thing. So after reluctantly getting him to agree to apply to CSU, he got in with a major of Exercise Science (it was actually almost Wildlife Science. Boy would that have been a wrong move). Paul wanted to be one of those guys who stood on the sidelines at football games and helped the players when they got injured on the field (an Athletic Trainer). So that was what he went for (by the way, he NEVER EVER wanted to be a Physical Therapist. Hahaha!). In the meantime he was still also installing garage doors and was always going to school with greasy garage door pants. Despite my protests. :) He also joined the Colorado Air National Guard, thinking it would help monetarily. It didn't. It sucked and after 2 years of that he was able to discharge due to school commitments.

Before he left the guard, he applied for Colorado residency, in hopes of achieving in-state resident tuition rates. Beyond all hope, it actually worked! We figured we'd declare common law marriage and see if I could get the same deal. In an even greater miracle, I was granted residency too!!! It was actually unheard of to get granted residency in the first place. Most applications were rejected. WOW, now we could almost afford to live comfortably. And we were technically married too :)

We found a job with the Coloradoan, the Ft Collins newspaper, delivering newspapers in the morning before class. It was a little extra income but then realized the big bucks were with the Denver Post. There we worked the system to become probably the highest paid newspaper delivery carriers in the warehouse (we knew how to negotiate), and we continued that for around 5 years. That was 2am-6am 7 days per week. We saw some pretty great morning sunrises along the front range. It did mean our weekends weren't free to travel and actually enjoy Colorado, but we were too busy with school for that anyway. Afterall, Paul had been accepted to become a student Athletic Trainer for the CSU football team (he had to apply and even interview and it was competitive!), and I had been rejected, then later accepted to NASA's Space Life Scientist Training Program in Florida, and we'd both been accepted as McNair Scholars students at CSU. I also took on another job (still dissecting fleas) as a research assistant in a soil microbial laboratory at CSU, where I learned that I'd never really be happy in a lab setting ...but that's another story. We'd also been the first undergraduate students to create a team to fly in NASA's student parabolic flight program with our exercise machine we started from scratch. That brought alot of press, but also alot of work. Needless to say, we had little social life, save for just a few close friends. But actually, if you know me and Paul, you know that's how we like it anyway ;) We upgraded apartments until in 1999 we actually qualified to purchase our first condo. How? Beats me, still, I swear. But I remember being in Houston at the time for our team's parabolic flight when I got the call from our mortgage broker that we pre-qualified. Wow. We got to watch them actually BUILD this little 1 bedroom condo. It was ours and it was new.

I still remember when NASA offered me a job upon graduation with my MS degree in 2001. It came with a paycheck offer of $53,000. The human resources woman apologized for the low pay, saying she realized that I could get more in industry but this is the best the government could do. Are you kidding? $53,000?!!! That's RICH money! PLUS they were going to pay for our move to Houston! I remember the last few days of our paper route...in the snow...throwing to those big, beautiful houses where the people with happy lives were sleeping so comfortably warm inside: we'd never have to worry about money again. I was going to work for MY DREAM JOB at $53,000 per year. So sweet. What the hell?

The 5.5 years in between were amazing growth experiences with my best friend since high school. We had our ups and downs, and learned how to get along as a new couple in school, with difficult finances. Fortunately both of us have great work ethics so we always did whatever it took to get it all done. I feel for people who never had what we had. I wish something like this for my daughter. Whatever she decides to do after high school, I hope she struggles some and realizes the importance of her first place being a "dump", doing what it takes, and coming out on top. To do this, she needs to have dreams of becoming or doing something amazing. I hope we can help foster this in her. Those students who go through college life on their parents' dime are just missing out, in my mind (no offense to my friends who went to school paid for by their parents!). So no, we are not saving for her college. That is her responsibility as it was ours. If she even DOES want to go to college at all.

When Anna was 6 months old, we came to CSU so I could speak at a student conference. We took her to all of our old places. We took a picture of the three of us in front of our first hell hole. But I can't find it right now.

If someone would have told me in 1995 that I'd be where I am today, I am not sure I'd believe it. And if I had believed it, would I then have worked so hard to get here? So the hard work here in Ft Collins was required. And it has paid off. I'm so glad things went the way they did and we are here today with a dream job, awesome little girl, and Paul's physical therapy clinic. I swear I wouldn't have changed a thing (I guess not even Anna's screaming reflux months as a newborn). It's made us who we are at this minute. Which is fantastic.

Now I'm just waiting on that astronaut thing. Which will come much later I suspect.

Night terrors

We almost went to Austin to visit my family for the 3-day weekend but a 30 minute uncharacteristic scream fest from Anna Friday night on top of the night terrors and car seat crankiness made us re-think the situation. That plus I get on a plane first thing tomorrow morning and this is Paul's first weekend back since Cowboy College. The best thing was for us to just stay put this time for 3 days of much needed down time around the house.

For some reason she's been falling asleep on the car rides home from school since I've given her paci back, and when I take her out of the car seat, she continues to sleep in the house. Hard. There are 2 things that worry me about this:

1) She NEVER NEVER sleeps in the car seat.
2) Of the 4 times I can count that she HAS ever fallen asleep in the car seat, she immediately awakens in the transition when we try to move her to her bed. Nap over. Check.

So the fact that she's falling asleep in the short ride home from school combined with the night terrors (once to twice per week) worries me a little. I hope it's all just a phase maybe having to do with cognitive development or the molars and it'll just pass. I've read they're associated with changes in sleeping patterns (not getting enough, overtired, etc) but we haven't changed her routine or anything. Everything I've read on night terrors says they can pass over the course of several weeks. Can I take that literally because it's already been four weeks?

They start always around the same time every night, after the first 2-3 hours of sleep. She sits up, screams and cries, and when we try to comfort her, her eyes are open and she pushes us away. Oh yeah, she also kicks and flails like we're pissing her off even more. I've read to just let her be till it stops. It's true: every time Paul tries to comfort her with words or songs or anything, she starts up even louder. If you just sit by the bed for the 5-15 minutes this lasts, she'll eventually just stop and lay down and go back to sleep. It's really weird. I'm getting used to them but they still are unsettling to Paul. He still tries to comfort her to no avail. Still, I'm going to put a call in to the pedi just to make sure we're not missing something.

In fact, it's like we're trying to keep her awake all the time in the car seat now since we've given her paci back. It's weird.

Again, like everything else, I'm sure it's just a phase.

Meanwhile, tomorrow I get to go to Colorado! Well, it's just over night and it'll suck without Anna and Paul but I'm on the Colorado State University Advisory Board for the College of Biomedical Engineering and our agenda looks like we're going to get so much accomplished in the entire day we're meeting. So I'm excited to make some headway. And to visit my old university campus.

This is how my future will go, you see:
I probably have about 10 more years here at NASA before moving on to become a professor at CSU. Just when we'll get settled into Fort Collins, I'll get a call from NASA to be an astronaut. I wish it wouldn't be in that order, but since it's how I see it in my mind, this is how it will go. It's so darned inconvenient. But I guess I'll cross that road when I get there.

Now I need to go find a blackberry cobbler recipe that I can make really quickly. This is precious Anna nap time...

Again and Not Yet

Me: Anna, do you need to go pee-pee in the potty?
Anna: Not YET, mommy.

That was the first time I heard her say "yet". She has SOME indication of time...or something.

The other night she asked to see the food on my plate. I showed her and she said, "I wanna see it AGAIN, mommy!" So I showed her again.

Funny how this all happens right before your eyes.

I have resorted to giving her the paci back in the car, after 2 months of paci-free drives. It's no use fighting the teething. The paci has made the rides to and from school peaceful again, so frankly fine by me. I guess I knew this day would come with teething of the bottom molars and here we are. So back to the original plan: once the teething is really done (after these 2 molars), no more paci in the car. I will fight that battle with more confidence later but at this point there's no use in depriving her of a comfort crutch while forcing me to listen to the screaming all the way home. It does no good.

This morning I spent a few hours at Anna's end of school year party. We went to chapel and then had a little party in her room with 15 other 2 year olds and their parents (and I survived!). Anna was soooo proud to have me there with her. I love the little closed-lip grin she gives me when she's proud of something. She was proud that mommy was sitting next to her in chapel, watching her sing her songs. She was proud I was holding her hand while she and her buddies walked to the chapel (holding onto their rope as a group). She kept looking over at me and smiling that little proud grin. It's the same proud grin she gave me when Nana and I ate the bunny cookies she had just made herself (with my help ;) ). I LOVE that cute little grin. I am so happy she gets it and she can be proud.

The past 2 nights have been rough getting her to sleep. She usually has a tidy little routine and she tells me night night and I love you and I leave the room and she will fall asleep soon after. But the past 2 nights she hasn't wanted to let me leave the room easily. She is also more clingy at drop off at school. I suppose it's the teething. She's also been having night terrors about 1-2 nights per week for the last 3-4 weeks or so. She'll wake up screaming "no no no" in her bed and when we rush up there, she'll just keep screaming and crying and won't let us touch her or talk to her or even sing to her. The screaming/crying goes on for like 5-10 min then she will either snap out of it or go back to sleep. We're reading there's not much you can do to comfort her in a situation like this (that's apparent). I've gotten less worried over them because it seems to bother us more than her. Could be a result of the teething, cognitive development, or even pinworms. In fact, the pedi gave us a script for pinworm meds for her just in case. It's pretty easy treatment: one chewable tablet now and then another in 2 weeks. Don't know if she really has them, but the meds can't hurt so we're trying it out.

She's especially picky about little things bothering her (dirt floating by in the bathtub, a shirt that doesn't fit her right, her sock feels funny). I'd swear the child is OCD but I am learning that part if it is just the toddler life.

She has to do everything herself. If we attempt to help at all, she has to stop completely, and start all over again from the beginning. I have started allotting more time for this! And more patience.

As it turns out, Paul and I (or at least one of us) are traveling once a month (at least) between now and the rest of this year. Good grief. This was supposed to be the year we backed off on travel. Good thing, huh? :) It's a mix of work and personal travel. Some of it Anna will join us for, but some she won't. Now we have to pay for her airline ticket. Blah...believe me, she'll get her own frequent flyer account!

Later.

Happy

Anna's attitude improved as soon as Paul came home. She's still been HORRIBLE with the car seat, which now includes actually getting her INTO it...(thus making me 20 minutes late for work, oh joy!). She still continues to scream bloody murder to and from school each day...I hate the car seat now as much as she does.

With mom being gone, there's no one to make dinner or clean my floors or do the laundry so that it comes back to my bedroom all nicely folded. Thanks mom! Anna has asked about her a few times. Bummer.

But Paul's home and Anna seems to like it and I know I do. I realized last week when he was gone that I can do this mom thing if something were to happen where he'd never come home again, but it certainly wouldn't be as much fun. I missed his presence and he brings to this house the stuff I don't bring. So not only do I love him and enjoy his company, he completes our household. So welcome home, honey. We love you and missed you so much.

Anna has also taken to having to do everything herself. If we so much as attempt something she has her mind on, we get told to back off (in toddler-speak) and she has to start the entire process over from the very beginning, with impatient, often rushed, on-looking parents. Again, see how I have gotten progressively late to work in the morning.

This means we will wake her up 30 minutes earlier now. Paul doesn't know this yet. But it starts tomorrow.

I am currently now wearing my "goal pants" that I couldn't even get into just 2 weeks ago. Score me. I haven't worn them since before I was even pregnant. I am pretty much down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I have about 5 more pounds to go before I'm happy with it all. With the end of my teaching, last night I found time to get some good exercise in. It had been 4 weeks since I'd even been on the bike, much less exercised. It felt amazingly good for some tired, weak muscles and it reminded me to continue to do it even if I feel tired.

Other than surviving the Terrible Two's, the household is great. The weather here has this in sane cold front that makes me feel happy because it reminds me of fall. Heck. Paul's home, teaching's done, the evenings are ours, and even our finances are in good shape. There's no reason to not be happy.

Except for the car ride that's coming up within the next 30 minutes. I am dreading that. Gotta go pick up the booger. Car rides = boo.

And there's our answer

It looks like it's not so much the Terrible Two's. More like the Terrible Tooth.

I finally saw it. She finally opened wide enough in just the right light for me to see it tonight: one big, fat second year molar poking its way partially through her lower left gum line.

Ah-HA!!! There are no words for me to explain how I felt. Relief? To sum it up, it all suddenly made sense. The thought of teething as the root of her major pissy attitude of the last week or 2 crossed my mind only once or so. It crossed my mind when the first night terror showed up a few weeks ago (there have been about 1-2 of those per week for the last 3 weeks). It crossed my mind a little with the extra car seat crankiness and even her irritability in the bath tub (she usually loves baths). Mom suggested it but I dismissed it. I bet if I took a second to go back through these posts on her previous teething symptoms, they're all similar with a few adjustments for her age. But there has been no drooling, and no hand sucking. She has asked for a tablet (Motrin) and even a paci in recent days, to which I replied: AS IF!

But now I get it. Whether this tooth is the source of her horrible attitude lately remains to be seen I guess. But the fact is that when I saw that tooth myself, the skies parted and I found peace and patience. I cheered to my mom and gave Anna hugs. She thought I was crazy I'm sure. I thought I had been patient over these last few days. While I ACTED patient, inside I was tired, pissed, and rushed. Now that I can (whether right or wrong) pin her attitude on a cause, I have totally let go and relaxed, and this evening has been just like the old days (pre-2 weeks ago). Can't explain it but even Anna was happier, less oppositional, and more cheery, just like her old self. It was a great night. Maybe she just picked up on my happiness and caught on too. I don't know. One way or another, it was just so much better.

And then I remembered I was always relieved to see a tooth poking in. Because this meant that my usually pretty chilled-out toddler had a reason she was recently turning "Terrible" and I could put off the "Terrible Two's" a little longer. So much relief in seeing that tooth. It holds ANSWERS.

But still I wonder how much longer we will be dealing with the car seat crap. She usually does get super pissy in the car seat when she's teething so I hope that's a portion of what's going on for us lately. I've been putting her straight from the car to Time Out once at home. Today on the ride home with my mom, she screamed. Mom threatened her a Time Out and she never said another peep (this has never even worked for me so either she obeys my mom and not me, or she's starting to believe she WILL get the dreaded Time Out at home after all). Either way, it bought my mom some peace in the car.

Well, it's time for me to watch some much needed TV. Night Night.

By the way, Paul is having a fantastic time at Cowboy College. He's so in his element. I am so glad he's having some real fun. He loves dirt and horses. And Westerns. Yee-ha!

Everything's under control

Paul's out playing cowboy at Cowboy College in Arizona this week. It was a gift my family and I gave him when he graduated from PT school a few years ago, and he finally found the time to go!

Mom's here with me this week to help out.

Monday started off great but ended with a car seat screamer who ended up puking all over herself in the car in the midst of her screams.

The screaming started when she wriggled her arm out of her car seat and she saw the look on my face when I discovered it. Then I pulled the car over. And got out. And went around to her side.

Louder screams. Cries.

I buckled her back in, and tighter. This led to an amazing symphony of screams and cries, and heavy inhales until the gurgle of vomit...a pause...more screaming combined with gurgles. She rode home that way.

Yay Monday. Yay car seat booger head. Oh how I love our cozy rides home.

At home, my mom meets me and my puky toddler at the door with bloody thumbs. Both of them. She underestimated the power of our cutlery. Looking for bandaids. Off to Walgreens for bandaids and bug bit itch stopper for Anna.

My return home from Walgreens meets a toddler who had just slipped in her own mess and bumped her head. She cried and was fine, but the large size of the knot and the fact that soon she'll be going to sleep told me we should get it checked out at the ER.

Ofcourse she turned out fine and did remarkably well at the ER. Even the bump is gone.

But all this week she has been a Terrible Two. I am admitting it. Just a few weeks ago, she was perfect and happy. Then as each week goes by, she gets more and more rotten. Oppositional is the key word, complete with a rainbow of sassy vocabulary. Everything is NO and everything is a struggle. I can't even express the patience I am drawing from within myself this week. I do believe my mom is in awe and at one point blamed teething.

No. But now won't those final two bottom molars be great fun when they DO come in?

And silly me, I thought we'd be one of those parents who got away with minimal Terrible Two's. Don't laugh. It happens. I've read about those parents. Probably the same parents who had the easy baby.

One thing I keep telling myself is (other than the fact she picked a fine week to become a terror with her dad gone) the advice I gave at my friend's babyshower last week (ironically). Everything comes in phases. Good and bad. When it all starts falling apart, just tell yourself it's temporary and that the good phase will come again in time. Just deal with this phase. Even though it has made you 15-30 min late to work each day this week.

My mom decided to pick her up from school today. Mom just called. Anna won't leave school. What should she do? This is not new. I just happen to have more tricks up my sleeve to get her to leave. Mom hung up and is giving it another shot. Stay tuned because I'm sure you'll want to see how this evening ends.

Uh oh, mom just called...she got her into the car. But the screaming is just as severe. I'd better go...

Good times. Car seat. This is a C O N T R O L issue, folks.

The imperfect toddler

She eats pretty well.
She sleeps great.
She responds well to our discipline methods.
Her tantrums are pretty mellow compared to what I have heard can happen.
Her only real vice is her paci for sleep at home.

But the car seat. OH THE FRIGGING CAR SEAT.

Some mom please read this and tell me I'm not the only one. She screams all the way to school and then all the way home.

It's only 3 miles one way. But it's been 2 years. I get the pleasure of it daily. I dread picking her up at the end of the day, even though I'm so happy to see her. I dream of a peaceful co-existence with my Tank.

I look forward to when this crap will end. You have no idea.

I've tried books, snacks, drinks, games, talking, pointing out objects, and for awhile last year, I tolerated endless toddler songs, which I firmly believe is the cause of her early talking. Each appeased her in phases. I've told myself over and over again to just let her scream. On some days it's so easy to just let her scream because I tell myself that ignoring the tantrums will make it stop. But it hasn't stopped, has it? Other days, like this morning, I have to consciously control my desire to lose my mind completely and turn into an evil, frothing beast that would scare her into car seat silence forever. Actually, if I knew it would silence her in the car seat, and if I could turn into that beast, I would.

Yesterday she got a Time Out for it when we got home. This morning she got a tap on the leg while still in the car. So the Time Out didn't "stick" and the tap on the leg was a joke. She knows what I mean by "no crying and no screaming in the car". Disregarded.

I feel like she's still too young to feel the full freak-out factor that would accompany me actually pulling off the road, getting out, and threatening her. So that would be pointless.

But I can't take this anymore. She is over 2 now. She's too old for this crap. She likes to climb into the car seat and buckle herself up like a big girl. After that, before my butt even hits the driver's seat sometimes, it's all over.

She's ironically fine on long drives and when running around town on errands. So this is starting to seem personal. Like it's now a routine for her. See mommy's truck, climb in, buckle up, let the screaming begin! Yay, way to let out all toddler complaints in one sitting, where I have mommy's complete undivided attention!

Paul didn't really believe my complaints about the daily scream fests till he called last week while we were in the middle of one. He was surprised! Like I am this creative to make this up?? Do I exhaggerate? No.

Someone tell me what I am doing wrong. What opportunity for discipline am I missing here?

What's going on at work

The job as the Associate Program Scientist for the ISS is going well after a little over 2 months. Now that I'm here, I feel like I've been here awhile, pretty much at home and comfortable. The uncomfortable part revolves around the fact that there are no processes like there were in my previous position in flight hardware. It's a little nice, but since I'm a control freak, I feel like I could miss something important without a process to catch me. Currently, my "work instruction" is a meticulously-kept notebook of my own actions and questions.

I'm still in learning mode. There is a whole suite of terminology here I'm trying to understand. Sometimes I kick myself when I can't answer questions readily and say, "uhhh...I'll have to get back to you..." but then I'm reminded I'm fairly new here.

It doesn't matter, I still kick myself because that's just what I do. I like to be really good at what I am doing, whatever it is. It's been awhile since I've been in the learning stage of something at work, so I am trying to accept it. Still, there are fleeting moments of my leadership capabilities which fuel my self esteem and keep me going.

Like I am starting to get the hang of presenting at higher-level meetings without my voice cracking. Bonus.

I survived media training (but nobody "normal" really likes to see themselves answer tough interview questions-though fake- in front of their boss and boss's boss and co-workers on a huge projection screen). Whew.

I was part of a neat phone call last week to the on-orbit crew to discuss science experiments they're doing.

I'm currently working with Public Affairs on a story about the COLBERT and the other exercise equipment up on the ISS and what kind of data they collect to support human research.

There's probably more I'm not covering, but it's just not as much fun to talk about :) . In the end, I am really enjoying this position and am learning tons of stuff. It was soooooo the right move for me.

Now, on to pick up the Boogie-Marie and then administer Exam 3 to my Human Physiology class. No more lectures. Just this exam and the final on Friday.

Yeah, baby. I actually have been asleep by 9:30pm the past few nights. Just like the old days.

Slap-Yo-Momma and other toddler stories

We didn't do anything special but it was just a great weekend.


Maybe it's due to the fact that it's the first time in a few weekends we were all actually at home together with only a few small commitments on the agenda. And me with no lectures to prepare.


While I proctored Zo's class of students on Sat morning during their exam (Zo went to the UTMB graduation), Paul took Anna off-roading at a place he found north of Houston. Off-roading. Yes. I know. With a toddler. But this is Paul. Apparently she was impressed but then passed out in the car right around naptime. While she was off-roading.


Anyway, their jaunt gave me enough time to go purchase some much needed shoes (Lord help me, shoe shopping. Ick. Desperate, yes. And without Paul, who actually usually finds the best shoes for me!) and a baby shower gift for JTB, and the super cool thing about this was that because I knew Paul and Anna were busy with their own stuff, I didn't feel like I had to rush through this shopping to get back to them. So I actually took some time with the miserable task of finding shoes. Then on to a baby shower for a friend where someone brought up the fact when the baby comes, time will no longer be her own. As a mom your time will become more valuable. Truer words were NEVER spoken. But that's a different post.


The night before that, Paul and I talked a little about how we thought Anna might be ready for her toddler bed (yes, she's still been in her crib. Sue me. She's never complained. She's on the second floor, across the house. I am not eager to wake up to a screaming toddler who just fell out her bed and then hurls down the stairs in the dark trying to make her way to our room because we forgot to put the baby gate up...). Anyway, we talked about it. Then it ended with me saying, "nah, I still don't think she's ready". Especially since she fell out of our bed last weekend when she slept with Paul and I was out of town ("Daddy, I fell out da bed"...then: snoozeeee....).


I came home that afternoon to the work that Anna and Paul had done to remove the crib rail from her bed, thus converting it to a toddler bed. (In your face, Spacemama! Push, now swim!). So this is a shot of her first night all by herself in the big girl bed. She's had two nights total. Neither has resulted in a "thump" and cry yet, but I have admittedly been sleeping with the video portion of her baby monitor on at night just so I can peek in on her every time I roll over...





She also is enjoying sitting on the potty, looking at her sticker books. She also tells us when she's gone in her diaper (and actually demanding a change instead of fighting us) so we're trying to encourage her to tell us when she needs to go, rather than telling us AFTER she's gone. She wore big girl Elmo undies all morning yesterday (thanks TJ) so she felt what it was like to be more aware of when she was going. We expected accidents and got them...2 before noon. But it's part of the game plan. However, it would have been great if she'd chosen tile for those instead of one of them being located on the carpet just under my nose of where I sleep every night.

This is the part I hate about potty training: pee. In places it should not be. But this is also why yesterday was just for learning and we're not pushing anything, but instead we're just exploring stuff.

Here's a question: Do parents say their kid is potty trained just because mom puts them on the potty every hour and kid does his thing and so therefore stays "dry" all day? Or does a parent say the kid is potty trained when the kid can actually verbalize he needs to go to the potty? Just wondering. This is something I am not prepared for so I guess I'd better read (gasp, not the developmental books!!) :)

Anna was lots of fun this weekend. Oh yes, I think I have finally overcome my grocery shopping anxiety with Anna. You know, the fear that she'll act like a brat and everyone will stare at you if you discipline or if you don't? I've overcome it because she had a meltdown in a busy Kroger parking lot yesterday, during which she proceeded to slap me in the face 3 times (totally unusual. Then she slapped her own face: total frustration, yes?). Not wanting to beat her in front of my community, I carried her screaming to the truck with her arms pinned to her side while I pushed the previously-fun-time toddler-sized shopping cart with the other hand. A mom passed by me with a wonderfully friendly and empathetic look like: "I've been there, sister. You go, girl." And that helped. And I smiled like I knew exactly what I was doing.

She got Time Out in her car seat for slapping mommy in the face. She hated it. She apologized. She proceeded to slap me later on at home for something else. Just once. She got time out. She said "yes m'am" and "I'm sorry". Yesterday's round of slap-the-mommy hasn't happened since she was just over 1 or something. She knows better. She is pushing. She has not slapped Paul. I guess that just means she loves me more.

Here's a true anxiety nightmare come true: I met someone this weekend who told me a story. It turns out last weekend she'd locked herself and her 2 kids (5 and 2) out of the car at Walmart (horror starts right THERE...). While waiting for the lock smith, her 5 year old smacks her brother. So momma spanks the 5 year old and a woman actually came over and threatened to call CPS. You see this? DO YOU SEE? It's a mom's worst nightmare. It's a spanking, not a beating. While I'm not about spanking Anna per se, I still think it's a parent's choice as long as it's not a beating. And there it is. A mom's worst nightmare. That ofcourse starts with Walmart...at least it wasn't me. This time.

Other than the mommy-slappings, Anna has been a fun little riot and an amazing little big kid. She watched TV with us last night that wasn't cartoons. She still loves to sing, and now it's more clear than ever. I wish I could list all the fun stuff she's doing but I can't even remember it all. Bummer. She is SO INSISTENT at this time that she does EVERYTHING herself. "Lemme do it!" It leads to meltdowns (such as the Kroger incident) when it becomes a safety or sanity decision on my/Paul's part. It is just THE THING to overcome lately.

She's been off the paci in the car now for the last few months so we're way past that. She does still get it at home for sleep (but sleeps fine at school without it). Tomorrow and Wed are her water play days at school. How fun!

She's agreeing to brush her teeth every morning these days instead of me forcing it. So it's actually become something fun for her.

The other night while sitting on the potty, she asked for lotion. I put it in her hands and she proceeded to rub it all over my face, with concentration, love and smiles at such a serious task.....ahhhh, how sweeeet. You see how the hands of love can turn into Slap-Yo-Mama? It's bitter sweet, my friends.

Help Wanted

Paul and I actually have tickets to the No Doubt concert here in Houston on May 31. Anybody up for the love and caring of this little beauty for a few hours that evening? (When in doubt, said beauty responds well to "Time Out!")


PS you must be overly-qualified.

Looks like she's right on track...

I get these emails periodically from Baby Center. Actually, I've gotten them since I was pregnant and they're fun to read to see what's coming, or what's going on in short spurts. This explains the constant "What IS that mommy/daddy?" Anna started last weekend when I thought we'd already gone through that at like 18 months. It's clear to me that this second round of "What is that?" takes on a different meaning now than it did 6 months ago. She's really soaking it all in. It's a fabulous window of opportunity to tell her that it's a "Macaw" and not just a "Bird". Get the idea? Paul is actually better at that than I am. I underestimate her over and over.

Here's the little tidbit from the email. Timely:
Ask Me Anything
"Why, Mommy?" "Why?" "Why?" Questions are probably your preschooler's new favorite form of speech. And there's a reason for that: Asking is a good way of finding out, and your child is constantly coming across new situations he wants to know more about. Although endless questions can get wearisome — especially if you have a tenacious, super-curious child — answering them simply and patiently encourages your child to keep asking and learning.

Last night I gave her my watch and told her to listen to it "tick tock". She quietly held it up to her ear and focussed. She said she could hear it. Then she pointed to it and said, "dis is 10 minutes, mommy"...WHAT? Another one of those moments where Paul and I each guessed at where we thought it might have come from. He tells her 10 more minutes before bedtime and points at his watch. Anyway, super cool. She asks alot of "what" and I don't mind. If I hesitate for a second to think about the right answer, she gets impatient and asks again as if I didn't hear her.

I guess "Why" is forthcoming. I love a challenge.

This picture has it all...

Nice, huh?

The jets are the T-38 trainers the astronauts use. The two space shuttles on the pads will probably never be seen again together on the pads like that. The first shuttle will be used to launch the STS-125 crew into space to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. The second shuttle (all the way in the back, on the left...can you see it?) is on the pad as a potential "rescue unit" that was instituted following the Columbia accident. It will actually be used again in a few months on the next launch to ISS.

This photo was taken from the NASA website:

http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_1336.html

I can feel it...

Normalcy will be returning soon.

Already I'm ahead of my lecture notes for tomorrow night's class so I'm not sure what to do with the little free time I might have tonight. What did I used to do before traveling and the respiratory and cardio system took over my schedule? I can't remember. I think I even exercised. Oh yeah, I rode the bike a bit.

Tomorrow night, my last lecture night. Woo-hoo!!! I will take the rest of the week off then start running in the evenings like I used to do around 7:30-8pm before Anna was born. I may even start swimming in the mornings if I'm that motivated. I'd like to but I'd also like to sleep I think. I guess we'll see.

Friday is media training at work. It's the same media training crash course the astronauts take. I'm really not looking forward to performing mock interviews. I think I'm probably much better under pressure, but then again I have NEVER watched any of my NEEMO6 interviews bc I thought I pretty much sucked on camera compared to the astronauts I was with. Digressing...

The Program Scientist crew conference that was scheduled for me to participate in while I was in Albany was canceled due to TVIS (the ISS on-orbit treadmill) maintenance over-runs. Congrats to TJ's husband (CM) and the TVIS team for pulling it off. It was a pretty major ordeal and had its bumps and so I imagined that the tension in the TJ housebold this past weekend could potentially have been a little higher than usual. But frankly I DON'T KNOW! TJ lives just around the block but I don't get out much to talk to anyone :)

Soon, that will change too!

My trip to Albany was great. The SUNY Albany campus has an amazing facility for superconductor work at the nano-scale. I learned a whole bunch of stuff about materials and the students/staff were really nice. They did pack my itinerary full of stuff to do, even though I'd been planning for some extra sleep and getting some work done in my hotel room. Alas, you don't go on travel just to hole up in the hotel room. So it was a nice outing. Also, Albany is in love with tulips. They even have a tulip fest for it. Tulips are my favorite. Nice.

I was only gone 3 days and I came back to Anna's latest cognitive leaps: "What IS that mommy/Daddy?" It occurs every minute or so and it's super cute. Did I blog about this already? I can't remember. Anyway, she catches EVERYTHING and asks about it. Today I had to ask Paul the name for a conduit because she asked me and I didn't know. Isn't it a little early for mommy not to be able to answer a 2 year-old's questions?

The cognitive leaps are apparent in her sleeping patterns lately. We watch her "run" in her sleep and talk and whine and stuff. Last night she even woke once and I had to go up to see her. She went right back to sleep after a round of "Wheels on the Bus" but it's still unusual.

More later I guess. Gotta go pick up the booger-bear from school.