"Don't Touch My Junk!"

OK honestly I don't have a real hard hitting opinion on the new TSA rules in the aiport. The new body screening puts a practically naked picture of you on display in a closed room where "trained" TSA agents can privately evaluate whether you have a bomb (or otherwise) shoved somewhere inappropriate, OR, should you resist, you get the "If you touch my junk, I'll sue you" enhanced pat down.

Paul and I actually first heard about this last week after we'd already gotten to our hotel in San Diego. We didn't encounter any of the new security procedures en route in either direction.

Frankly I'm a moderate and this poses a potential problem where I'm getting the feeling I'm supposed to take sides. I don't have a side. Frankly I doubt I'll pick a side until it's my turn to flash my hot body on the screen (because...ewwwww on the enhanced pat down). Lots of times I don't have an opinion on things like this until I'm confronted, and then my intiution kicks in and lets me know how I really feel. But as I read all the headlines of outrage, I get the suppressing feeling that the option between an extra dose of radiation or a groping by a stranger is something out of a fictional novel. I mean, for real?

Right now what I feel is this: I give the same benefit of the doubt now as I did to the governing agency under the Bush administration. In each case, we elected them. They may look like idiots and act like idiots, but ultimately someone in charge thinks he/she is doing a good job to protect the American people. Could you sleep at night if you failed to stop the detination of a bomb that was shoved up someone's butt on a plane? OK, so this could happen on a plane or bus or subway or train so let's take it a bit further. Could you sleep at night as a leader knowing that you let a weapon onto a plane, and then that plane was then used as a weapon itself, aimed at buildings full of innocent Americans (including defenseless children)? You might overreact too. I couldn't sleep at night as a politician anyway but that's another story. A plane is potentially a more powerful weapon than a bus or train. You can argue that but we've seen this before.

When extreme measures like the new TSA rules get put into place, I can only think that someone in charge must know more than we do and must think it's a good idea for a good reason (lame? maybe. wrong? probably). Am I a shameful American for not shouting and defending my constitutional rights (you're infringing on the outline of my naked body in an airport without my permission)? Does lack of a position on my part infuriate others? Meh. I don't know. I am actually glad for the uproar and for the folks who are writing in and screaming because frankly, something like this should be heard by the people. I can totally see both sides and respect all opinions. But honestly, I don't have enough of a strong opinion to write in or yell and scream. One of my running partners was subjected to the body scan. Her opinion: what's the big deal?

The thing that does bother me, though, is the question of whether our government has thought through all possible alternatives. That nags at me. I mean part of me thinks that the makers of the body scans are out for some major bucks under a government contract and so I wonder how those inside discussions went. I can actually almost hear them. Then I've been reading the several articles out there that talk about the Israeli airport security measures. Surely our government considered that particular process? Surely. But I haven't read why that process wouldn't work for us, other than we Americans hate profiling.

Then I hear from others who say that if US soldiers put themselves in harm's way daily for us, then what is it to ask for us to go through a simple body scanner? Other side: the US soldiers willingly signed up for this, and if it starts at the airport, where else could it extend to? Trains, buses, subways, etc?

How much damage will the machine do to my 3 year old's body over time if (when) I have to agree to let her pass through that? The data is actually still out, some critics say. And so that bugs me.

I don't have to fly again until January. I wonder if and hope that things shake out by then. I have read that at the Orlando airport where I'll be flying, the chief of the airport is firing the government TSA and hiring private security as of Jan 1. Apparently you can do that. Now THIS will be interesting.

Part of me would like to see some successful uproars and protests this week at the airports. Mostly because if that's the message of the American people (albeit extreme), it's surely a venue for impact (but then again, according to the polls, the majority of Americans are in FAVOR of this enhanced security. Could that be??). Maybe there are better ways that don't tie up airport security resources on these protestors, though. So in the name of safety, maybe a protest isn't the best idea.

See? On this one I have nothing more than a "wait and see" attitude. I feel a little guilty that I'm not outraged, but really, I'm just not outraged. Maybe it's my idiot, naiive, hopeful thinking that the government feels obligated to protect their people, even in the face of my nagging, quieter voice that makes me wonder if all alternatives were considered (of course they were?), and what kind of fat checks the body scanning companies are going to get for the holidays.

Till then I'm grounded till January anyway.

Come to think of it, we never once heard "heeyyyyyy momma, heyyyyyyyy daddy" on the whole trip. Nor have we heard it since we told her to knock it off awhile back!

When we first told her to stop it after she finally drove us nuts at the Ballunarfestival, we told her hey/hay is for horses. So every time after that when she'd start to say "hey" she'd stop her self, say "no, oops! Hey is for horses" and just proceed on to "momma". Since then it hasn't come out and if someone else says it, no matter how they use it, she tattles like it's a bad word :)

So nice to be done with heyyyyyyyy!

Sunny San Diego!

I finally got Anna and Paul to tag along to one of my trips! I got to present my dissertation results at a big conference in San Diego (it went great!), and Paul cashed in some mileage for he and Anna to join me for a few early days.

There's so much about their quick little visit I want to remember. I wish I could blog it all at once as it was happening but I guess this is how it goes. The stuff I put here are the main points I want to remember and I'd like her to read about later.

The thing about traveling with the government: the government contracts really great, cheap rates for super nice hotels I would have never thought to be able to stay in. So we really enjoyed this view at 27 floors up!

We got some time in at Sea World, where Anna was in a hurry to see the sharks so we could explain to her that she wasn't going to touch them and they weren't going to bite her! It was forefront on her mind, you know. As were the sting rays. In fact, she was worried but was all excited to touch the sting rays until the moment came and she tried her best but ultimately couldn't do it. The problem as we really saw it here was that she also had issues with us touching the things and so turned into miss cranky pants over it all. So what, Paul and I fed the things fish and petted them and scratched their heads while she whined and protested and we threatened to leave if she didn't knock it off :) I can't blame her too much, I didn't even like scuba till college, and wouldn't have been interested in touching a sting ray either (though last week she held a snake at school).

The starfish was more her style. Apparently they let you pick up starfish! New one for me!


There was a Sesame Street area with a few rides and although Anna's only seen a few episodes, she knew who some of the characters were. She wouldn't hug Cookie Monster till I did. Is it wrong she hugged new-age Elmo but kicked Cookie to the curb? Is it weirder that I felt bad for old school, like wanting to say to Cookie, "sorry about these youngsters and their Yo-Gabba-Gabba Monstrosities but I know how you please millions of children over the years" to someone who's probably just a teenager inside that monster suit? Oh yeah, and she wouldn't let me out of the picture. Just a simultaneous foreshadow and backflash to the Santa experience.


We hit as much as we could at Sea World till we were all wiped and approaching cranky. When we felt it coming on, it was time to head home. Day 1 was a success and we were all tired silly. For real.

But I have to say I'm psyched she can keep up without naps. Baby can roll with her mom and dad on a play day.

Day 2: Legoland. We showed up when the gates open and we were the last to ride the rides. SEVEN HOURS. Anna is apparently a roller coaster fiend. We got a glimpse of that at Disney last year when she wanted to ride Goofy's Barnstormer twice in a row, her first roller coaster ever. But here at Legoland, we hit every coaster we could find for her her height. Her first questions where "when are we going to the roller coasters" followed by wanting to ride a boat ride she'd seen. She barely made the 40" minimum requirement for the coasters and there was only one coaster in the park she couldn't ride (but I did :) ). Her favorite: the Dragon. By the 8th time around, she had her hands in the air through the whole ride. YEEE-HAW! And this wasn't no baby coaster ride! Even Paul and I thought it was fun!


Legoland surprised us with all of the fun things to do. Seriously, there are more rides in this theme park than I've ever seen for kids (including Disney) and lots to do. Except, surprisingly, we didn't stumble across one large location for kids to play with Legos! Anna kept asking to go play with Legos but we never came across a central dream location like you'd think. I bet we just missed it. We weren't really looking hard enough, in favor of all the fun rides.

She even loved the log ride with its mini drop into a splash.

And at both Sea World and Legoland, she had to have her face painted!

Everything at Legoland looks like it's made of Legos. Well, most of it is and it's pretty amazing. I think there were something like over 4 million legos used in the decorations there. I had no idea the scope or what to expect from this amusement park, period, but it is the best I've been to for kids yet. If you get the chance, go.




Also, the weather in San Diego? Perfect. The lines this time of year? Absent. This beats Astroworld where we went as a kid in the 100 degree heat of summer where lines were an hour long!

Her next favorite ride was the bouncy bench thing. The one that brings you up to the top and bounces you down over and over via quick drops. She and I must have rode that one, I swear, 10 times in a row. Again, no lines. And it was actually fun.

Legoland saw no fuss, no crankiness, just lots of running, riding, and laughing. It was a strange miracle, and nobody's feet even got tired. When they kicked us out of the last ride, we weren't actually exhausted until the short ride home. Throughout the day it occurred to me that this was something I'd never have done pre-Anna, and why should I have? Now that we have a daughter, this stuff is way more fun than going as an adult (why go to a place full of snotty kids and kid rides?!). It occurred to me that we were really having fun, a new kind of fun, different from pre-Anna fun. A new kind of fun for me and Paul from pre-Anna fun. What a great stinking 7 hour, no nap, no whining day. It's truly, deep-down FUN to watch your kid have fun. It's only when you step back out of yourself, into your pre-baby self, when you realize it's something you'd have never thought fun to begin with.

Baby can keep up with her hard-playing parents. Watch out! Proud is an understatement on our side.

We managed to squeeze in a tiny bit of a beach visit just to play in the sand at Coronado beach, near the haunted Coronado hotel. Anna was too scared to go into the (cold) ocean and protested in favor of building a sand castle. Then, suddenly as we walked along the shore looking for shells, she decided she wanted to go for it. She grabbed my hand and took off with me into the surf! She was all giggly and wanted to go farther out so we rolled up our pants (no swimsuits, this is the pacific: too cold to swim!) and got out deeper. Paul joined us and we had to hold her back from wanting to go all the way in. Surprisingly, she went from freaked out to suddenly going with it! The laughs and giggles in her soaked pants were priceless and we couldn't believe the sudden transformation. After we coaxed her out of the water, she and Paul ran all around the sand playing chase while I got to lounge :) At one point we saw several dolphins bobbing in and out of the water, right there, right off the shore. So COOL!



We got a late night carriage ride around the city (as tired as zombies) via horse and a lit-up Cinderella carriage. Luckily for us it was right outside our room so we dragged ourselves down there, and Anna says that it was a highlight of her trip. At the end of every seemingly late night (it was only ever 8:30pm but consider the two hour time change), before bed was a pretend tea party, thanks to the tea party set K gave us when we visited her out here!



San Diego is a really neat place. There's so much more I want to post but it's in my head as memories and they trickle out here and there but never while I'm typing this stuff up.

Paul and Anna went home and left me here for the conference, and I missed them immediately! No one to push the elevator buttons. No one to command, "run to the line...to the trash can...now STOP...walk backwards...run to the next..." (she likes a type of Simon Says that works for her to run in spurts, which is a safe way to let her run but not run away from us!). The room looks bigger, the view from the window looks different. My meals are cheaper, and the rental car seems bigger. It's quieter. Paul said out loud what I was thinking as they were packing: "This room is turning into momma's typical travel hotel room" as only my things were left.

A few differences in travel with Anna this time:
-She was 100% totally amazingly great on the 3+ hour plane rides here and back (on the return Paul said she even slept! And slept all the way to her bed even!)
-Anna's packing list has shrunk (even though I still overdid it)
-Baby can keep up: no nap interruptions
-She is a great restaurant companion


One thing that hasn't changed: The realization when it's over that you've gotten to know each other a bit more. There's something to be said about mini hard core vacations like these (or less), just a little outside of the normal routine of the day, that provides insights into the little girl whose limits and capabilities you thought you knew. I have a habit of underestimating her. It's one I need to break, for many reasons, I know. In the meantime, as always has been with travel, it shows us what she's capable of, and what we as parents are capable of, outside of the norm.

What a great weekend! Nice to have some unscheduled time and just do stuff around the house. The weather was also great but that time change kicked my butt on day 1. Of course that means Anna's body clock is up at 6:30am instead of her usual 7am. And that shouldn't have really made me feel tired, but the whole shift of the day really did a number on me and by 7:00pm, she was passed out and I was in bed by 7:30! Maybe I'm getting old. Dang.

I ran 6 miles on Saturday, which is good since I didn't run at all last week since my running group was at the launch all week. The launch that was ultimately scrubbed due to leaks. As I finished up my run, I ran into D, whose husband is on this flight. She and her husband were hanging outside while repair men worked on a gas leak at their house. What do you say to a crewmember who should be in space right now, but after a week of waiting around to launch, then scrub, then launch, then scrub, and finally "there's a leak and then a crack and oh my, we need to work this for real, and everybody go home and we'll fix this and try again in late Nov/early December". So I said something stupid about "welcome home" and "Discovery is my favorite ship" and yes, even the ultimately dumb, "when I was a space camp geek, that was my ship!" (Don't worry, I said it in a I know this is geeky tone of voice that elicited a few laughs). And finally, "well, we're all rooting for you guys! Time to get my last two miles in, see ya!"

Lord.

On this morning's run I asked D how the leak went. She started a long monolog about an umbilical plate and a team working to figure it out and I didn't even get what she was saying till she was done. She had a great laugh and moment of perspective when I told her HA, I'd meant the LEAK AT HOME, NOT THE SPACE SHUTTLE LEAK! It was an interesting take on what was on the front of her mind and we were all pretty well caught off guard by it! To be an astronaut's wife...interesting insights.

At the last minute this morning I decided not to sign up for this next boot camp class. The schedule of getting home in time to shower and take care of Anna while juggling Paul's clinic schedule is more than I really want to go through again. DAMMIT if my boot camp instructor didn't just email me: "WHERE WERE YOU?!" Called out. Crap.

Gymnastics

Last year, Anna took dance class from Jan through June. She liked it for the most part but it wasn't something she really asked to do or even asked much about. Some days were easier than others to rush home, squeeze her into her tights, and get over to class by 6:30 on Wednesdays, and frankly it stressed my schedule too. By the time the season ended, I was glad and she was indifferent. We had decided we were not enrolling her into anything again until she was old enough to decide what it was she did want to participate in.

Lately she's been going around the house, "Watch ME, mommy and daddy!" while attempting cart wheels, crab walks, and robot walks (whatever that is). She likes to jump far and run around. So we were thinking it might be time to try gymnastics, and last night we took her to the 5:45pm class, which is really conventient for both mine and Paul's schedules, and the location is too. At first she was excited, but then didn't want to let go of Paul's leg to be left alone in the new big class. The teachers weren't exactly much help in getting Anna to be comfortable or join in, so Paul took her out of the gym, where we started talking to her about doing it on her own or we would leave. Finally, one of the teachers came over, stuck out her hand to Anna, said, "I'm Emily, what's your name?" Anna replied and took her hand and off they went. She had the best hour doing jumps, swinging from an acrobat hand bar thing into a foam block pit, rolling, cart wheeling, balancing, walking backwards, going through tunnels, and all kinds of stuff. Paul and I were shocked at how much she could do we didn't know about (likely learned from Tumblebus at school), and when it was over, she started crying because she didn't want to leave!

So there it is, every Thursday night at 5:45. She wants to go back already and keeps talking about it, even this morning. We'll keep going as long as she's having fun!

Halloween Cuteness

There's that!

My officemate took this snapshot as I was geeking out immediately upon return to my desk when I started spilling my experience on the 6th floor. She just had to take a picture of what she called a complete "nerd moment".

My 30 minute presentation went 1.5 HOURS. I started out by introducing myself with my background and history here at JSC so they got an idea of the perspectives they were about to hear regarding ISS science. I saw the first hand go up on my third slide (Can they ask questions in the middle of my talk? Of course, stupid). "How many National Laboratories exist in the US?" It was allllll fun information exchange between me and them, and each other from then on. Formalities dropped.

Questions about the National Lab component, about whether experiment X could have just been done on the ground, questions on bone loss amounts, and recovery. Questions on immune, and fortuantely for me, way less questions on physical sciences. Then it dawned on me why the nature of those questions: these were Apollo, Skylab, Spacelab guys. Early space biomedical research and test pilot/space vehicle pioneers.

Questions came from faces I recognized from books and video, but whose names I couldn't place. Closer inspection of badges showed me Robert Crippen (first to pilot the very first space shuttle launch in 1981), and I recognized Alan Bean (Apollo: the fourth person to walk on the moon). I didn't recognize Michael Collins (Gemini pilot, and in the command module of Apollo 11 while Armstrong and Alrdin were out walking as the first men on the moon), even as he talked, debated, and questioned, until after I left and was told who he was. Bill Tohronton asked the most questions, right to the point (major biomedical investigator (understatement) for the first US space station, Skylab, and shuttle astronaut), and full of good, clean, spirited debate. There was another sitting at the table whose face I just KNOW I KNOW but I don't know the name. Rusty Schweickart, John Blaha, Walter Cunningham are a few others...but so many more I don't know!

As I rolled through the slides, the room of about 50 historical figures took turns listening, raising hands, stating opinions, and talking history. Hell, there were SKYLAB people in this room: Our first US space station, where so much biomedical info regarding spaceflight was collected for the first time ever.

As for me, I think it went well, although the words "fuel tank" escaped me completely as I talked about capillary fluid flow in space. Rats on that. It never did come to me but it's OK.

In all, I thought the debate, the questions, the friendly criticism of ISS in general, and the messages they had was all fair and fantastic. I never felt any question was mean-spirited and if I just didn't have the answers (sometimes stats just don't stick with me), I didn't have a problem with saying "I don't know" and just attempting a safe speculation. And they liked that too. I never came across as defensive, flustered, or put off no matter what the debate was. I definitely was cognizant of maintaining balance.

At the end of it all, I wiped my forehead, gave a sigh of "whew!" and they applauded and smiled. One by one several came up to talk to me, shake my hand, introduce themselves, and even apologized if they came across as attackful, which they never did in my opinion. A few stayed after to talk with me about exercise in space and countermeasures (that's something I'm a pro on) and about the biomedical hardware I developed when I was an engineer.

Barbara Morgan stopped to talk with me and give me kuddos on the briefing, and to talk about her work with the Sally Ride science program. She said she thought I represented enthusiastic, young women in STEM fields and had already googled me in the past as representative of that and was already familiar with who I was. She asked if I worked with JR, and when I said I was JR's backup, it clicked and she was pleased. I offered myself up to volunteer if she ever needed me. I also received kuddos from Bernard Harris on the way out.

When I got out of the room and down the hall, ASCAN ST caught up with me to shake my hand and tell me what a GREAT BRIEFING I gave. He was as star struck as I was in that room: "Do you know who all's in that ROOM RIGHT NOW? WOA, it's HISTORY in there!" He listed the names cause I just didn't know. ST had been in charge of putting this whole thing together, and he was the one to ask me to come give the briefing. It was a really great feeling to be able to geek out with him after my briefing :) And it was an especially great feeling to get his heartfelt kudos. (An ASCAN is a recently-selected astronuat. He was selected in the recent group I'd applied for).

When I got out of there, I realized I felt both completely energized and drained, and the last time I had felt that way was just after my PhD Dissertation defense. In fact I realized that today was 100X's that, and was basically my freaking dissertation defense on STEROIDS. This was my career's dissertation defense. Defending ISS Science research, from physical science to human research to bacteria. The coolest thing about being in a room with all of these historical figures was that I wasn't just there with a camera, or to socialize over some event I was invited to or got lucky to be at. They were here to hear what I had to say about ISS science: about my job. What I do every day and I try to do really, really well. That means more to me than anything. (Although sure I wished I could make them all say CHEEEEESE! and pose for my camera ;) ).

To that, I insert another cuss phrase to sum up the experience: Holy Shit.

Oh, and HELL YEAH.

Now, on to active recovery :)

I'm at work 2 hours early today to center myself and wrap my head around the presentation I'm going to give at 9:40am for the astronaut reunion.

I didn't wear a suit. Just an ironed version of a nicer outfit I'd wear to work anyway. It reflects the sane part of my brain that's telling me I'm wayyyyyyy overthinking this. And actually, I am only halfway to overthinking it. Mostly, it's a major blip on my radar but not an obsession. In fact my charts were made up last minute, probably as another way to prove to myself it's not big deal. And it's OK that in the schedule, they listed me as "Ms. Tara Ruttley" instead of "Dr. Tara Ruttley." You didn't think I'd email them back about the correction did you? How snobby would that sound?

It was still dark as I was driving in, and as I approached the front gates at JSC, the sun was rising behind the outlines of the model rockets and familiar buildings I was headed for. The sliver of a crescent moon hung low directly over it all and Rob Thomas came on the radio, all a scene given to me to calm me the hell down. There are people out there wondering how to feed their families and here I am, a nutso "problem" in comparison...only being handed a reminder of how the Universe can put you smack in the place you belong, for better or worse, headed for an outcome that's supposed to make you stronger and leave you with grand new realizations.

I get it: I'm not in those seats today with those astronauts, listening to someone talk about the space station. The irony is that I'm at the podium. Talking to the group I'm supposed to be in. Or not supposed to be in. It really is all good.

As I approached the gates, "Brick House" came on. I turned it up.

I turned my headlights down for the front gate security guard. I sat in my car for just a few extra minutes to stare at the building I was headed for: 4S, where I sit in offices on the 3rd floor and the astronauts sit on the 5th and 6th. I said good morning to the cleaning ladies. I took the usual stairs.

No one's here yet. That's the point. Well, time to prep.

This is long but these are things I don't want to forget.

I'm not sure she can get any cuter.

The other day she asked me if I was married. She was looking closely at my wedding ring. I told her yes, I was married and asked her if she knew who I was married to. She says, "ME?!" And I say, "NOOOOOO, to Daddy!" Then she said she wanted to get married too. I asked her who she was marrying and she said, "YOU, Momma!" I laughed with her and told her that when she's a grown up, she will marry another grown up, but not mommy or daddy. Then she said she liked my ring and wanted one like that and I told her she'd have to ask Daddy about it.

This weekend was the JSC Ballunar Festival. We met up with Ommom (TJ) there and LB's family, so Anna got to play with lots of old friends since it'd been awhile since we all got together. It was really neat to see her interact like such a big girl. She even rode a ride with just M and A and totally loved it! Not to mention the very cool hot air balloon glow!

Last Saturday night after the Ballunar Festival, she spent the night at TJ's house! The coolest thing about this was that it was just unplanned, on the spot, on the way home. Since M had another friend spending the night, TJ thought to invite Anna to join the big girls, and Anna didn't hesitate (thanks, TJ, that was really cool. In the moment I thought you didn't have to do that, but then I realized, like me, you wouldn't have offered if you didn't mean it). Holy cow she's turning into a big girl. That's her third night sleeping away from us, unnecessarily, for fun! And she LOVES it.

She's turning into a happy, silly girl. THREE is really fun. In my case, I loved TWO, but looking back on it, THREE is even better, and I think easier. She's definitely got her moments of attitude and grief but in all I love the little person she's becoming.

She had a BLAST for Halloween. She and M and I dressed as cats, and Ommom (TJ) and LW (who hasn't been over in wayyyy too long) joined us. Paul dresed as Indiana Jones. Since the girls were older now, we hit more houses than ever this year. The weather was perfect and the girls raked in some serious candy. In fact I'm not sure what to do with all that candy, but I did enact the "Mom Tax" as soon as she went to bed :) I ate the stuff so she didn't: it was for her own good ;) But we still have tons left. When she woke up the next morning, the first words out of her mouth was, "I loved Halloween last night and I had so much fun, mamma."

Also this weekend, Anna ran a 1k and I ran a 5k, at the Monster Dash in Pearland. Both of us wore our costumes and Anna got a medal for her run! That child can run! She gets it from her dad :)

Pictures to follow...

Last night was some bad weather. Around 2am I turned on the monitor to see how she was handling it upstairs. I noticed nothing but a little moving around. This morning when Paul asked if she heard the rain she said, "Yes but I didn't even cry! That's because I'm a big girl!" We've tried really hard from the beginning to tell her rain is good, and thunder is fun and lightening is safe if you're inside. In getting into the truck for school this morning, she wanted to stick her arm out to touch the rain and then giggled as she ran out in it and back into the garage. She said she wanted to play in it and so I told her after school we can if it's still raining. Can't blame her, right? On the ride to school in the rain this morning, she said about the rain, "It's a good thing we're in the truck, mamma!"

She's also used the phrase, "YOU'RE KIDDING ME!" a few times, which cracks us up. I know she's growing up and stuff but to hear and see that, LORD!

She LOVES to rhyme. Especially on car rides. She says, "Let's Rhyme!" and I ask her to pick a word to get started. She's pretty good and gives me some insight to her vocabulary! This morning she rhymed "cart" with "fart". What, she's 3!

Ever since she started talking, she'll sometimes start a sentence with, "heeeeyyyy..." This didn't really bug me since it wasn't really too often and barely noticeable. But over the last 2 weeks it has become so frequent, it's unbearable. It grades on my nerves and has to stop. We had a talk with her about it on how annoying it was, and that she should stop saying it, and instead call people by their names. I know she's been doing it for so long, it's going to be a challenge for her to stop but she's actually trying. When she says "heyyyy..." I say "Hey (hay) is for Horses" and she stops and says, "Oh sorry, I'm trying not to say hay," and she'll start again with "mamma". She'll even catch herself if it slips and she'll start over. So at least we're working on it.

She's really into trying cartwheels and crab walking and something called "Robot walking" (???) so we're going to enroll her in gymnastics, and this week we're taking her to watch a class to see what she thinks. We've talked to her about it and she says it sounds like fun, and has since asked about it twice. So we'll give it a shot! Here we go...

In other news, Paul and I signed up for the MS150 in April. We didn't do it last year because we were too crazy busy. More on that to follow but to sum it up, I am going through my calendar to mark training rides around travel and hopefully Anna can come on most of these (at least the shorter family rides). After the half marathon in Jan, I'm going to cut out a run day to replace with bike training. I don't think I'm traveling near as much next spring so hopefully this will work out.

Later! There's work to do!

Astronaut Reunion

I've been asked to give a briefing on ISS Science at the Astronaut Reunion this Thursday morning. I'm not sure who in the audience will really be there, BUT I am told that all astronauts there ever were have been invited, which means that some potentially cool historical figures could show up.

Or not.

I'm a little stressed about it because, well, it's the entire history of the astronaut corps as invitees. And the thought occured to me that this could be something of a job interview that might actually be remembered by some inclination of chance if anyone in that room might happen to be reviewing astronaut applications in the next who-knows-how-many-years-from-now-astronaut-application-process.

But then again I thought the same about NEEMO (in fact I gave a nice impromptu speech from 67 feet underwater to the astronaut office, and one of my astronaut crewmates said afterwards, "Now THAT was your astronaut interview") and it apparently didn't even get me a "Highly Qualified" letter on the last round of astronaut applications.

The other part of me is not stressed at all. Because, darn it, I'm an Associate Program Scientist for the ISS and it's really my job to talk this stuff, and I'm finding it more and more fun to talk this stuff.

So then the only remaining stressful part really is to make sure I cover the big messages that will make a big enough impact for that audience to take home and spread around, because frankly, not all of them are in love with ISS. Surprised? It's true. Even those in the astronaut corps can repeat erroneous messages they've heard over and over regarding the usefulness of ISS as a research platform. There are some who think we should just skip ISS and go to Mars. That's true of all audiences.

So my challenge for this is to make sure I use my 35 minute presentation slot to show all in the audience the benefits of ISS. It's critical for me particularly with this audience, since they serve as NASA ambassadors for the public. If they get the right message, and agree to the message, then they can help spread the message to the public. People listen to astronauts. People should hear the good messages about ISS research.

SPACE.COM article

Last week my chief was out of town so the JSC Public Affairs Office punted an interview my way. I've done media stuff before, related to NEEMO and even our exercise machine, but none yet in my current role as Associate Program Scientist for ISS. It was on the spot, I was nervous but collected and thoughtful and I think it went well.

When I was interviewed for this article, I certainly didn't use the word choices that I'm quoted here (I was more selective, deliberate, and professional in my word choices but I think my quotes were a bit skewed for pop culture effect), and I certainly had lots more important stuff to say that didn't get used. Nevertheless, here it is, my first interview debut as Associate Program Scientist for ISS. Kinda small, and the message is a bit diluted, but still there.

http://www.space.com/missionlaunches/science-research-international-space-station-101101.html

I'm not Tweeting it or announcing it to the masses, just because I don't think it's as an effective article it could have been. Still, it's just SPACE.COM and it taught me sooooo many things about the interview process and the media (for example, next time I should think to ask what the name of the article is going to be, to give me an idea of the angle. This particular one: defensive). So it seems to have been a safe place to cut my teeth.

Yay for Halloween!!! Anna's going to be a cat, she's so excited!!! She talked me into a cat costume too, so we're twins. Paul is Indiana Jones :) As it turns out, Anna can hum the Indiana Jones theme all the way through. Had no idea!

A friend gave us her tickets to go see Drumline Live downtown. On a whim I said sure, let's go, even though it was a school night, Tues, and it started at 7:30pm. I had energy and figured we'd see how far we'd get before Anna was ready to leave. Maybe at intermission?

I told her she'd better not cry at the end like she did at Story Time Live. She said she'd cried then because she didn't want to leave but she wouldn't cry this time.

When we got there, outside the entrance was a high school Drumline. After she watched them play, she wanted to high five them. So we did. This little 3 yr old in a pink dress...looking up at the tall guys in uniform with big drums...asking to high-five them...seriously cute.

She loved the whole show, based on Historically Black Colleges and University marching band Drumline. She kept asking for more between the sets and she wanted to high-five them too. Didn't do that; I told her they were tired and needed to go to bed!

She lasted the WHOLE show, even though at the end she started to glaze over, fighting sleep. She really did enjoy the whole show. We were super impressed with how good she was and how we could all enjoy the show without the typical kid distractions of what we've been used to for the last 3 years.It's great to know she's getting to that point of just being a little person, capable of enjoying something other than huge displays of sparkles and dancing goofy animals.

Tomorrow Anna's running a kid's 1k and me a 5k for Halloween. Then we're doing the JSC Ballunar festival Then Sunday we're ready for Trick or Treating! Busy, busy weekend. Here we go!

Home

I'm home from Berlin!

Yesterday I did the Turbo Jam 30 minute Fat Blaster exercise video in the living room and Anna joined me. She kept up with the whole dang thing, taking water breaks and giving high-fives between sets. The most adorable thing I've witnessed in my entire life. Seriously. They have no idea at this age that they are so sweetly uncoordinated.

Now she keeps asking to do the exercise video again. I told her I had to teach tonight but she should ask Daddy. So she did and I heard Paul tell her yes :)

Therefore, Paul will be Fat Blasting tonight. And her enthusiasm (for now) ensures compliance for me, now doesn't it?

When I was in Berlin last week, I visited the Sachsenhausen concentration camp. It was the first one built in Germany. And it went pretty much as I thought it would, which was "Holy Shit." Which is profound because I rarely cuss, let alone cuss in writing.

Actually my thoughts going in, not ever having read a Holocaust book, or visited a museum, or watched a documentary (See how good I am at shielding myself?), was: "Would it be worse for some Nazi to take your child from you BEFORE you got sent to the camps, or AFTER? Would you want to know what happened to your child (murder), or just never hear and assume the worst without knowing the details?"

As it turns out, those thoughts just barely scratched the surface of what I learned at Sachsenhausen, where it was mostly a camp for men (though there were a few children and women), where 200,000 or so are estimated to have been killed. Incidentally, in the entire Nazi regime, 6 million Jews were killed, and likely an equal number of homosexuals, political prisoners, social outcasts, and disabled, bring the totals up to something like 12 million.

Mass murderers exist. They're out there, scattered about, and you see them pop up on TV or in books. But look at what you can do when one of them can rise to power: come along fellow sociopaths, let's brain wash other sociopaths and see how many we can kill. Not just kill, but let's torture them first and see just what the human spirit is capable of. We talked about the fact that genocide still exists today. It's there, just not so widely publicized for different reasons.

I look at my 3 year old and can't comprehend someone pulling her away from me to murder her. Before the camps, there were ghettos where all the Jews were forced to live with basically nothing. And look, my child gets annoyed if I say NO to a piece of candy. Isn't she lucky?

If they took my child from me, I'd probably kill myself before or in the camps. But then maybe not, because maybe I'd be hoping the allies would win the war soon, before they killed my child. Even though it's possible my child is already dead. But maybe not. Not to mention my husband. Maybe I'd hang on, thinking any day now. Like I'm sure most did. Some killed themselves just days before liberation.

The concentration camps were liberated by allies in 1945 (and the camps were started around 1934). That means anyone in them still alive were freed. Even though it wasn't that easy actually. Nazis put them through death marches first but really this isn't a post about the history of the Nazi regime.

Mostly holy crap. I have gained a new perspective of life, just in a brief tour of Sachsenhausen, where I first felt like a dumb ass tourist gawking in my tennis shoes and nice warm coat at a place where 200,000 froze, were gassed, were shot, were starved, were worked or any list of other insane means of death. So spooky I can't put it in words and so all I could do was listen to the tour guide. Oh and I bought two books. One of which was written as a little boy who miraculously escaped death a number of times to survive a few years in a few different camps. In fact, it's called "Lucky Child". Not as graphic as it could have been, thankfully. I have one more to read, written from a woman MD in the camps, called "Witness". But I think I'll have to work up to that one sometime, if ever.

The next afternoon after a conference day I took a city tour of Berlin. Saw the wall, the Nazi buildings, the historical sites that existed but were then plowed during WWI and WWII. The place where Hitler shot himself is now just a parking lot with not even a plaque. On my tour just happened to be visitors from Israel, a husband and wife, who were 2nd generation Holocaust survivors. They were not going to Sachsenhausen but were still interested in Berlin. It was interesting to hear their perspective on things. Ironically, they are also the Israeli neighbors of the late Ilan Ramon and his wife. Ramon died in the Columbia shuttle accident in 2003. They also spoke of the fact that Ramon's son died last year in an F-16 crash (I thought I'd remembered reading about that) and that Ramon's wife was so devastated. It was incredibly interesting to hear her perspective of things both with the Ramons and with the Holocaust. But damn if that didn't work my conversation skills much heavier than ever. As it is I am incapable of any exclamatory words beyond "Wow. Gasp! Amazing." What do you say??? Holocaust survivor? Ilan Ramon's neighbor? WHAT ARE THE ODDS THEY'D BE ON MY TOUR? Truly freakish and very enlightening. The wife's occupation was a psychiatrist. Imagine that.

At the end of the tour, I chatted with the tour guide, who was American, about the recent Al Queida threats against Americans in Berlin. Our attitude about it wasn't all that serious or worrisome. But it really was in interesting contrast to the Holocaust conversations we just had, if you can imagine.

It's so good to be home.

Perspective on Food: an article

Reading through my Twitter account, I found an article about obesity and food addiction tweeted from an unlikely source: Rainn Wilson (Dwight on The Office). He praised the article in his tweet and I figured I was bored enough at the Frankfurt airport to read it, to see if there was anything new to learn.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/food-addiction-could-it-e_b_764863.html

The article talks about food as an addiction, compares overeating with substance addiction: things I'd heard or read somewhere before and knew somewhere in my own mind, but maybe needed a refresher.

I love food and I try to keep Anna to the healthy stuff. But she's a kid and she's allowed candy within reason. Processed food happens a lot on travel, and frankly, too many meals out of boxes at home. I do read the labels: no HFCS, and whole grains, reduced sugar where I can. But this article puts an interesting spin on how to help Anna learn to eat right. If not for obesity control, then to control addiction to food. The article blames industry for secretly making us addictive to their stuff. Now I'm certainly not the conspiratory theorist type, but at one point cigarettes were harmless. Big industry. Something to think about.

GO Team GO!

The last time I was sitting at this airport gate, I was not in the mood to be gone for two weeks (recall June 13, screwed up dance recital, Paul's birthday, and a plane full of Germans and an unhappy, depressed Spacemama). This time my only regret is that Paul and Anna aren't with me. Darn that feeling that gets me every time I walk into an airport without them lately. The feeling is getting worse. Maybe next year they can come with me overseas at some point. When the car picked me up, Anna was full of hugs and kisses, but not overdoing it, and I swear she had a look to her almost like she thought it was cool to get into that car and go to the airport (maybe it's because Mommy wasn't driving :) ). She asked me if there would be movies in the car. You should have seen her face when I told her the next time she was coming with me! Excited! I swear she's such a BIG GIRL.

This weekend the 3 of us were scattered 3 different ways. I was at the ISS Physics workshop, Paul was on the 2 day Capitol to Coast relay run from Austin to Corpus Christi and Anna was having sleep overs and manicures with my mom and my sister and the family in Austin. My brain came back too full, Paul's body the most sore ever in his life, and Anna with more toys and bracelets and candy.






















My plane flew in from California to Austin last night. Anna slept over at my sister's house where she had a blast with the kittens and her older cousins. I scooped her up in the morning and as we were driving away she said she'd missed me, and was I going on vacation again soon? I told her one more time, tomorrow, then I'm back home on Friday. She said "then that's it?" Yes, that's it. Thing is she said it all not with a depressed tone "awww do you HAVE to go?" But rather like "OK, cool, see you when I get back. Love and miss you and I'm good". She's such a big girl and for now she's ok with this travel. Besides she gets to party and sleep in my bed when I'm gone :) All day she said she was glad I'm home, she'd missed me and she loved me. It's been the sweetest thing ever.

And I think she's grown like 2 years just since Tuesday.

We were halfway to Corpus to watch Paul cross the finish line when I realized she was wearing two arms full of these shaped-rubber bracelet things I'd never seen her wear before. She gave me half of them for my arm.

I'm glad the 3 of us are at a point where we can pull off something like this: Anna's old enough that we can all go separate ways even if only for 24 hours, and have a great time and meet up again. Today we grabbed Paul at the beach when he was finished, and since they played harder than I did (only my brain is tired), I drove us back to Houston.



We are one worn out crew.


On to Berlin tonight, and back home on Friday. The next few times I travel, they're joining me.